Addicted to Closure

"I'm restless. I'm restless until I rest in You, until I rest in You. I am restless. I'm restless until I rest in You, until I rest in You, Oh God!" - Audrey Assad

This last month and a half has been the most intense month in recent memory. Since I got hit by that car in October, things have not only not slowed down, but life has actually gotten way more eventful, crazy, and out of my control. That much is a sure fact. My family back home has been a shining example of unconditional love and Jesus-focused Christianity even when it doesn't seem to "work"; and talking to my parents as much as I have been has been a repose for my spirit, as God has been doing some gardening, pulling weeds, occasionally showing me uprooted plants, and transporting wheelbarrows of dirt/soil/grass/rocks/worms from one place to anoth. One of the many benefits of this process is that there is rarely a dull moment, and there's always something going on to think about! In that sense, for my way over-analytic mind, I can't complain.

As I was cleaning my room and listening to some music (Audrey Assad), I realized that I'm addicted to closure. Whether we're talking about the debacle of Summer '09, or my little thing that happened with that girl senior year of high school (insert laughter here), or most of everything that has happened in the last 3 months, I want closure. I want to hear the door shut. Whether I know that it's a benevolent "see ya", or an angry slam, I always want to experience finality so I'm certain concerning the way in which I should proceed with the highest degree of certitude. Is it idolatry? Probably. Lack of trust in the Gospel? Yep. What am I going to do about it? Great question.

That summer of '09 afforded me a conversation a mentor of mine who after hearing me bare my soul about how I just wish I knew the ending and how everything turned out on the other end of the relationship and just wanted some closure, he said quite coldly, "Dave, closure isn't in the Bible." That was not helpful at the time. It was insensitive, unempathetic, and useless... at the time. Of course closure isn't in the Bible just like predestination isn't in the Bible.. bad example. The word "Trinity" isn't in the Bible, but it's obviously real. The difference is that Trinitarian theology is all over Scripture, but the concept of closure isn't much at all. Not only is it not in the Bible, but the opposite is.

Fast forward to today about an hour ago, and his comment really hit home. Closure isn't in the Bible. Why is that? I want to be able to move on! I hate those 6 words, "I don't know what's going on." Joseph sat in a stinking prison for 3 years with a intense lack of closure, especially considering he was the victim of a pretty lousy con-job and went from high up in the public sector to the lowest of the low. However, he was so faithful in a state of lacking closure that the prison guard (I assume of a pretty big prison), didn't worry about Joseph's corner at all, and Joseph was even put in charge of people while he was a prisoner himself! Quite a highly functioning individual if you ask me. His answer was a simple one. He loved and trusted Yahweh his God. God was enough for Him. God moved Joseph to action, and he did it without question. There most likely wasn't a whole lot of dialogue going on between them. Joseph loved his God and his life was a crystalline picture of that love.

So no. Closure isn't in the Bible. Trust is. Love is. Security is. All a need for closure is is a lack of security in the perfect plan of God. In my sinful heart, I want to know that I have either totally made the right decision/said the right thing or totally made the wrong decision/said the wrong thing. If it's the right decision, I can move forward in good conscience. If it's the wrong decision, I can at least put that option out of my mind completely. The problem is when I'm in that state of limbo, not knowing if a situation/relationship/life-choice is going to work out, how do I proceed with certainty? Abraham moved out of his hometown when God told Him to pick up and leave. Noah built an ark and was seen as stark raving mad for over 100 years because he heard the voice of the Lord tell him to do something. I'm restless until I rest in Him. And no. I probably won't have all the answers. Jeepers, I probably won't have any of the answers, and I for sure don't have Noah, Abraham, or Joseph's faith. I do believe, but God must help my unbelief. I know He will. He's that good :)

He's our hope.

.DSN.