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Jesus is greater than everything.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Life So Shallow

Christmas 2011 is here and gone.

I have just experienced my last Christmas as an American "Teen".

Time flies.

I've written a few posts about this kind of super-pre-midlife crisis type of moment, but I write this one with a little more circumstantial weight behind it. I think I'm at the point now where I'm realizing that I either start growing up now, or I remain a little boy until further notice. I'm seeing that such a step takes a lot of courage, and the ability to be ok with myself in the midst of situations that have not (and may never) ameliorate themselves are decisions that grownups have to make, and have to do it all the time.

I'm also at the place where with much more honesty I can see godly men and women to whom I look up live their daily walks of faith. As is the case with many, I see such a discrepancy between them and me and am prompted to think, "What must I do to get to the place that they are in their love for Jesus?" I feel stuck. But God is shining the flashlight of truth on new walls I have constructed that I didn't know existed that hinder me from moving forwards in that process of spiritual maturity. I'm being made aware of certain internal GPS units that wish to find some other way for me to mature as a young man and a lover and treasurer and Jesus and His Good News for my life.

It's strange. In some settings, I'm the "black sheep" or the "bad kid" who has always been rebellious and wanted to toe (or cross) the line in life. In other settings, I'm the life-long Christian who has always kept his nose clean, never having committed any of the "big" sins that so mark the lives of many unbelievers.

I praise God that He saved me from a life of drugs, sex, and alcohol; but just because I don't have any kids out of wedlock or have not developed an addiction for some illegal substance DOES NOT mean that I haven't lived or wallowed in a life of sin, and it also does not mean that I have lived a life of joy and fulfillment.

This thought struck me today. I was basically born a Christian. My dad has been a nice church music minister for almost as long as I can remember. My family has spent almost all our free time with other nice pastor families or nice church leader families of some kind. I played music for my nice junior high youth group and have led worship for the last few years as often as I can. I was homeschooled, went to nice Christian homeschool group, and played sports at/was affiliated with a nice Christian school for most of grade school. After high school I went right on to and now attend a nice Bible College.
I've most always listened to nice Christian music, read nice Christian books, heard nice Christian radio shows, my friends are almost all nice Christians, I know almost every major Bible story in the Bible and could beat a good majority of people in sword drills (my claim to fame as a youngster). Problem is, God doesn't care about nice. He cares about perfect. And who was perfect? Jesus. That's why "nice" doesn't (ultimately) matter.

Is that what it's like to be a good Christian? It shouldn't be. It can't be. I hope with all of my being that it isn't. If it is, this life is a cruel disappointment of cosmic proportions. Of all the things that I just listed, almost all of them could top the resumé of most Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses and Catholics. I don't want that kind of superficial ostensibly satisfying version of existence.

It's so shallow. There's nothing there.

How pointless it is. Live a good moral life to become a pastor of a church of, if you're lucky, a couple hundred people, marry a cute girl, have some nice kids, weather a few storms of life, but in the end, have a pretty good go of it. What a miserable waste. Are any of those things that I just mentioned bad? No they aren't! I'd love all of those things. But if that's as far as it goes, just think about it- what a nice waste.

Today (Christmas Sunday) in our weekly assembly of believers, I saw a group of people that love Jesus and want to proclaim His supremacy to all who will hear. They're Souled Out.

The thing that strikes me most about these people is that they feel the Christian life so deeply. They have a lot of problems. The only difference between me and them is that they experience the love of God in a way that makes them really enjoy life. There is a richness and a robust vibrance that can only be identified by those who have experienced it. I have had short seasons where life is a true joy and I love people and feel truth in my inward parts. But right now, and for the last few months, I'm having a harder time with it.

There's got to be more to life than just some clean, well-oiled machine of what we know as a nice brand of Cultural Christianity. That branch of Christianity must leave and never return. It's time for people that really find joy and celebration in the person and work of Jesus to step out in faith and (Scripturally) put God to the test.

Pray for strangely powerful things to happen. Pray for God to bring you through situations that secure your love to Him all the more firmly. Pray that he expose latent sin in your life that you never knew was there. Ask Him to do more for you or your friends than: "Be with him/her today, bless their day and their ministry." If that is the extent of your prayer life, it makes sense to me why so many people are so dissatisfied with the whole idea of prayer.

There is a dire need for men and women that don't become content with nice moralism and an attractive smile. If that's all there is, I have one thing to say:

We're missing out on so much more.

.DSN.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Is Life Easy, or is Life Hard?

Wow. I've completed half of my undergraduate Bible School career. I'm almost a grown up. I don't know what to think yet.

It's such a clear night. I'm not one for overly descriptive adjectives, but this is one of those nights where there is such clarity in the coolness of the wind that is calmly passing through the screen on my window that I am hereby prodded to write.

The slow but steady breeze coming through my window that accompanies the typical sounds any Metropolitan area would have at 11PM coupled with The Glorious Unseen for some reason makes me want to reflect.

To answer the question posted in the title, I don't know. A little while ago, I asked God to show me my sin because I was in such a high spiritual time about 2.5 months ago that life didn't seem real. Boy did God decide to answer that prayer. My response to certain relationships, my interacting with certain musical opportunities (or lack thereof), and a healthy dose of perspective combined to give me such an eventful 2.5 months that I think I'm starting to get the picture.

Life is hard.

I'm never going to stop struggling with sin. I'm never going to stop struggling with relationships. I'm never going to stop struggling with how to approach ministry/recreational activities. And I'm certainly never going to have a truly holistic perspective on how life should be approached.. ever

I was forced to have the hardest conversation in my life this semester. I've soured more than one relationship this semester. I've thrown away golden opportunities this semester. I've really begun to see what I'm not good at this semester. And oh yeah, I got hit by a van. Life is not in my control. It's hard.

But on the other hand, life is so easy.

I believe in predestination. Yes. I said it. Paul said it too. Of the reasons why I say that life is easy, that has to be in the top three. In one sense, God did not want any of that stuff to happen. His heart aches when my heart aches. God loves me intensely. But if that were only true, then I have a nice, benevolent, and incredibly weak God that can't stop bad things from happening. Problem is, God's purpose isn't to make my life happy. God is about getting His people to love and proclaim His betterness more. While God hurts with me when I have to have incredibly uncomfortable and painful conversations, there is a very real and incredibly meaningful sense in which God did want those things to happen. He did want me to get hit by a van. "Why would God want that?", you might ask. Easy. I can say that because of the last 2.5 months, I love and treasure Jesus more than I did before. Is it a lot more than before? No, probably not a lot more. But my heart has been tenderized just that little bit. And God wanted it.

If God wants it, and He is God, then why would I want anything else? I don't know more and I certainly don't know better than he does.

That's why life is easy. He's directing my steps. They may be steps that in my sin I stumble and look away from the prize, but if I in the end love God more afterwards than before, that's what matters. If God is for us, who can possibly be against us?

.DSN.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Be Careful- They May Be Hurting

Two of some of the most helpful words given in admonishment by a close friend when on the brink of gross insensitive foolishness: be careful. There's so much to say on the subject of pain and suffering, so barring the return of Christ, there will be more.

However, I'll start by saying that in these very hectic last two-and-a-half months, one of the crazy valuable lessons I've learned is that looks are deceiving. The fact that someone carries him or herself with an air of confidence and strength by no means is an indicator of whether or not they are actually confident and strong. Masks are (can be) easy. Discernment is hard.

I have spent the last hour reading articles and entries that have made me realize how unloving, tactless, selfish, and insensitive I am in so many areas to so many different people. I tend to assume that when I'm having a bad day, everyone else around me is in a place to be able to properly deal with my struggles. When I'm having a great day, I assume that everyone else is in a place to process my humor and casual off-handed remarks and the proper judgment to not take them seriously. How ignorant and foolish am I.

I BEG you, learn from my failures! Please ask Jesus to make you aware of struggles and brokenness of the people in your life. Tonight as I write this (I am posting this article at a later time) my mind has been significantly altered by conversations/blog posts that have driven home this reality: People hurt.

It is not uncommon to find men, women, boys, or girls that have had profoundly negative circumstances thrust upon them, forcing them to either turn their eyes in on themselves, or to lift their eyes to the cross and the greatness of God. Those that respond by turning their eyes upward apprehend life with a certain lucidity that I lack and find fantastically precious and immensely valuable.

But who am I to give advice to those who have walked through times of literal trauma and survived psychologically altering circumstances? I've been a kind of rebellious child, but for the most part I'm just your typical Bible Church-Christian College-Pastor's Kid-Choir Boy who's biggest struggle in life was making idols out of sports, music, and girls. That's it. However, I have the Holy Spirit, and that counts for something. I'm nothing, but He's everything. As I get older, I begin to feel the weighty onus in and on my spirit to point people to a bigger view of the majesty and love of Jesus; especially to those who are hurting.

For any who are reading this that have been negatively affected my callous attitude or inappropriate sayings/jokes in your times of pain and stress (or anytime for that matter), I am very sorry! PLEASE forgive and pray for me. I want the Spirit of God to transform my heart into one that overflows compassion for the broken and readily dispenses love for the weary.

If you walk away from this post getting nothing else, please get this: You never know what is going on in someone's heart or the things that they are dealing with. Ask God make you love well. Next time you say something sarcastic or hurtful as a joke, think twice before you let the words escape your mouth.

.DSN.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

'How To' 1.0: Return to Your First Love

"I want to see You now, like when I saw you for the first time. I want to hold Your hand, I want to feel You holding mine" - Heavens To Betsy


How often have we heard sermons/camp sessions/seminars/devotionals on how we should live with the passion and fervor of a new believer? I hear them all the time. To my chagrin, not a a single time have I ever heard a message on how to go about doing that. It's especially tough for me, because I've grown up seeing some version of Christianity around me since I was a tiny baby. God did not save me until I was about 16, so I can see a clear difference in my life as someone who hated God and his Word to someone who enjoyed the Word and did not (as frequently) scorn rebukes. The really difficult part is reckoning back to a time when I felt newly invigorated to love and share the Gospel. I see myself and many other professing believers quite clearly in John's epistolary addition in Revelation to the Ephesians (Revelation 2:3-4):

"...I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name's sake, and you have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first."

I want to have that love. I'm not totally sure what it looks like, but it probably doesn't look like your typical know-it-all Bible school student *ahem*. Having never heard the solution but only hearing about my problem of lukewarm Christianity, I don't know how to go about enacting change in my life. These topics make for good devotionals but end in a hopeless cession of any and all hope for change because it's just. too. hard.

Is it too hard for me to force myself to love God? YES. God is the only one that can break my heart up that has been hardened in sin and make it soft and tender again. But is it impossible to love God? By no means! For God, all things are possible. When we see that we are gliding, slipping, or even stumbling through life, it is Imperative that we beg Him to do what He needs to do to change our hearts so that we might see Him in a new way. It may mean that God exposes some dark sins, it may mean that He will lead us through deep waters, or it may mean that He will simply break us with His love. Whatever it is, He is the only one that can turn our hearts around.

We need seek to go deeper into the Good News by which we are now being saved (1 Corinthians 15). That is one clear way to be restored to the joy of our salvation. When we realize, like when we were first saved, that we the state of hearts is one of desperate wickedness in need of a Savior, only then can we love Jesus in the way that we were made to love. Just because we are believers does not mean that we have been extricated from our body of death. Our hearts are still deceitful. Anyone who struggles with sin on a daily basis should not have a hard time comprehending this idea. When we begin to wrap our minds around the miracle of salvation and feel His cleansing blood again, our hearts automatically turn to Him and we will desire to drink as much water from the fountain as our bodies can hold.

I heard a guy say the other day that nobody does laundry like Jesus. He takes our clothes that are blackened from all kinds of dirt/grime/grease/and all things nasty, He soaks them in blood that is an intense hue of red, and they are finished. WHITE. Whiter than snow.

The farther that thought penetrates the core of our hearts, the more fervor with which we will love our Jesus.

.DSN.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Addicted to Closure

"I'm restless. I'm restless until I rest in You, until I rest in You. I am restless. I'm restless until I rest in You, until I rest in You, Oh God!" - Audrey Assad

This last month and a half has been the most intense month in recent memory. Since I got hit by that car in October, things have not only not slowed down, but life has actually gotten way more eventful, crazy, and out of my control. That much is a sure fact. My family back home has been a shining example of unconditional love and Jesus-focused Christianity even when it doesn't seem to "work"; and talking to my parents as much as I have been has been a repose for my spirit, as God has been doing some gardening, pulling weeds, occasionally showing me uprooted plants, and transporting wheelbarrows of dirt/soil/grass/rocks/worms from one place to anoth. One of the many benefits of this process is that there is rarely a dull moment, and there's always something going on to think about! In that sense, for my way over-analytic mind, I can't complain.

As I was cleaning my room and listening to some music (Audrey Assad), I realized that I'm addicted to closure. Whether we're talking about the debacle of Summer '09, or my little thing that happened with that girl senior year of high school (insert laughter here), or most of everything that has happened in the last 3 months, I want closure. I want to hear the door shut. Whether I know that it's a benevolent "see ya", or an angry slam, I always want to experience finality so I'm certain concerning the way in which I should proceed with the highest degree of certitude. Is it idolatry? Probably. Lack of trust in the Gospel? Yep. What am I going to do about it? Great question.

That summer of '09 afforded me a conversation a mentor of mine who after hearing me bare my soul about how I just wish I knew the ending and how everything turned out on the other end of the relationship and just wanted some closure, he said quite coldly, "Dave, closure isn't in the Bible." That was not helpful at the time. It was insensitive, unempathetic, and useless... at the time. Of course closure isn't in the Bible just like predestination isn't in the Bible.. bad example. The word "Trinity" isn't in the Bible, but it's obviously real. The difference is that Trinitarian theology is all over Scripture, but the concept of closure isn't much at all. Not only is it not in the Bible, but the opposite is.

Fast forward to today about an hour ago, and his comment really hit home. Closure isn't in the Bible. Why is that? I want to be able to move on! I hate those 6 words, "I don't know what's going on." Joseph sat in a stinking prison for 3 years with a intense lack of closure, especially considering he was the victim of a pretty lousy con-job and went from high up in the public sector to the lowest of the low. However, he was so faithful in a state of lacking closure that the prison guard (I assume of a pretty big prison), didn't worry about Joseph's corner at all, and Joseph was even put in charge of people while he was a prisoner himself! Quite a highly functioning individual if you ask me. His answer was a simple one. He loved and trusted Yahweh his God. God was enough for Him. God moved Joseph to action, and he did it without question. There most likely wasn't a whole lot of dialogue going on between them. Joseph loved his God and his life was a crystalline picture of that love.

So no. Closure isn't in the Bible. Trust is. Love is. Security is. All a need for closure is is a lack of security in the perfect plan of God. In my sinful heart, I want to know that I have either totally made the right decision/said the right thing or totally made the wrong decision/said the wrong thing. If it's the right decision, I can move forward in good conscience. If it's the wrong decision, I can at least put that option out of my mind completely. The problem is when I'm in that state of limbo, not knowing if a situation/relationship/life-choice is going to work out, how do I proceed with certainty? Abraham moved out of his hometown when God told Him to pick up and leave. Noah built an ark and was seen as stark raving mad for over 100 years because he heard the voice of the Lord tell him to do something. I'm restless until I rest in Him. And no. I probably won't have all the answers. Jeepers, I probably won't have any of the answers, and I for sure don't have Noah, Abraham, or Joseph's faith. I do believe, but God must help my unbelief. I know He will. He's that good :)

He's our hope.

.DSN.

Friday, December 2, 2011

God's Still In Charge

I just picked up the book after which my college's chancellor's ministry is named: Desiring God. John Piper's insights into the purpose and proper motivation for life are absolutely mind-blowing. I can't get enough. Please read it!!!

He blows any arguments for anti-sovereignty out of the water- not just from a theologian's perspective, but from the stance that actually wants God to be completely sovereign. This can be hard to understand and grasp initially, but God being in charge of everything makes life so much sweeter!

I have a really hard time when people give God credit for all of the blessings in their lives, but when the unpleasant times roll around, God is somehow extricated from any and all claims to responsibility. We don't need to defend God from things that He never denies. For example, when a believer loses a house in a fire, many will say that God is not allowed to do that. God wants the best for us, therefore he should not be responsible for the house burning down. Here's the thing: if that person is a true child of God, will they run away from Him or will they run to Him in the midst of growing adversity? They will run to Him as fast as their little legs will carry them.

Is this a bad thing? Is this something that God does not want? ... ... ... No. No, no, no, no, no!!! This is GOOD. When we have everything that is most important to us get stripped away from us and we in turn run to Jesus, who is made to be seen as the most valuable? Jesus. You wanna talk about Gospel-centrality, here it is, from the mouth of Dr. John Piper, "No one is a Christian who does not embrace Jesus gladly as his most valued treasure, and then pursue the fullness of that joy in Christ that honors Him." Anyone who does the opposite of that on a consistent basis doesn't have a lot of ground on which they can claim sonship and fellow heirs of God the Father.

Here's my point. God is about God. "God has many goals in what He does. But none of them is more ultimate than His glory. They are all subordinate. God's overwhelming passion is to exalt the value of His glory. To that end, He seeks to display it, to oppose those who belittle it, and to vindicate it from all contempt. It is clearly the uppermost reality in His affections. He loves His glory infinitely (Piper, 43)." God is allowed to ordain all kinds of things that are other than good (evil) or even just straight up uncomfortable. "Why?" you may ask? Because God's self-centeredness means that He might decide to burn down our house, take away friends, or just pry idols right out of our hands. Whatever it takes for us to realize how only-satisfying He is are the measures He will take, for those who are truly His children.

If you are feeling like God isn't near or present, hope in God. You will again praise Him, your salvation and your God.

And yes, God has ordained what is happening. And yes, I love it. "You're crazy." Sure. I'm really crazy. Never denied it. However, I'm not crazy enough to think that God took a day off from planning my life and then came back after a commercial break and realized how hard things got all of a sudden and was then pleasantly surprised that I'm realizing how much He is the only satisfier of my soul. I'm not that crazy.

I love my God because He knows that prying my idols out of my clammy hands will make me tired enough of the struggle to realize that He's all I've got. He loves it. I love it (on occasion). It's a win-win situation.

I like thinking of God as in control rather than me being in control. It's a lot easier when He's calling the shots than when I am royally messing everything up.

God alone is my hope. I want to feel that reality-altering truth more deeply.

.DSN.