Is Life Easy, or is Life Hard?

Wow. I've completed half of my undergraduate Bible School career. I'm almost a grown up. I don't know what to think yet.

It's such a clear night. I'm not one for overly descriptive adjectives, but this is one of those nights where there is such clarity in the coolness of the wind that is calmly passing through the screen on my window that I am hereby prodded to write.

The slow but steady breeze coming through my window that accompanies the typical sounds any Metropolitan area would have at 11PM coupled with The Glorious Unseen for some reason makes me want to reflect.

To answer the question posted in the title, I don't know. A little while ago, I asked God to show me my sin because I was in such a high spiritual time about 2.5 months ago that life didn't seem real. Boy did God decide to answer that prayer. My response to certain relationships, my interacting with certain musical opportunities (or lack thereof), and a healthy dose of perspective combined to give me such an eventful 2.5 months that I think I'm starting to get the picture.

Life is hard.

I'm never going to stop struggling with sin. I'm never going to stop struggling with relationships. I'm never going to stop struggling with how to approach ministry/recreational activities. And I'm certainly never going to have a truly holistic perspective on how life should be approached.. ever

I was forced to have the hardest conversation in my life this semester. I've soured more than one relationship this semester. I've thrown away golden opportunities this semester. I've really begun to see what I'm not good at this semester. And oh yeah, I got hit by a van. Life is not in my control. It's hard.

But on the other hand, life is so easy.

I believe in predestination. Yes. I said it. Paul said it too. Of the reasons why I say that life is easy, that has to be in the top three. In one sense, God did not want any of that stuff to happen. His heart aches when my heart aches. God loves me intensely. But if that were only true, then I have a nice, benevolent, and incredibly weak God that can't stop bad things from happening. Problem is, God's purpose isn't to make my life happy. God is about getting His people to love and proclaim His betterness more. While God hurts with me when I have to have incredibly uncomfortable and painful conversations, there is a very real and incredibly meaningful sense in which God did want those things to happen. He did want me to get hit by a van. "Why would God want that?", you might ask. Easy. I can say that because of the last 2.5 months, I love and treasure Jesus more than I did before. Is it a lot more than before? No, probably not a lot more. But my heart has been tenderized just that little bit. And God wanted it.

If God wants it, and He is God, then why would I want anything else? I don't know more and I certainly don't know better than he does.

That's why life is easy. He's directing my steps. They may be steps that in my sin I stumble and look away from the prize, but if I in the end love God more afterwards than before, that's what matters. If God is for us, who can possibly be against us?

.DSN.