I've just been thinking about a lot lately (not that anything's changed), and I've been feeling that we as Gospel-believing Christians don't stress God's totally unconditional grace nearly enough. God isn't waiting to bless us until we get up and serve in the church, read our Bibles and pray more, or even sin less! If you're a believer, God has an INFINITE store of love for you! You can do NOTHING for Him to love you any more than he does! Trying hard to be good does NOTHING for us in the eyes of God: (Galatians 3:3) "Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?"
This thought is the springboard for the application of truth that I want to share as I sit here (mini-update) after a tough week getting ready to return home to NH in 15 days. If you've had any similar experiences that I've had growing up in a Christian home, you've heard the camp meeting sermons, the youth group guys/girls talks, and the indoctrination that girls, often to the exclusion of guys, need to dress (however ambiguous this term is) "modestly." The reasons that they give for dressing "modestly" are all across the gamut; motivations for doing this range from not looking like a fast and loose woman, to not being a temptation in the eyes of men, to not comparing your body with other girls, to having a sense of self-respect by not wearing "slutty" clothes. I agree that all of those things are good reasons to dress with propriety, but I firmly believe that they all miss the crux of the Gospel point entirely!
I can speak for men in this way: when guys see a girl/woman in revealing clothes or ostentatious accessories (i.e. short skirt, more-than-needed makeup, low-cut shirt, gaudy jewelry, etc.) it does a number of things. First of all, it will probably arouse thoughts in him that he has no business thinking about you. This is real. Even if he is in a "relationship", he will still recognize and replay those thoughts in his mind at moments advantageous to him. While, by God's grace, many men have learned/are learning how to put away those thoughts, it is a VERY REAL struggle (even if they are way older/younger than you).
However, this point is not what I want to hammer home. This is what is important to me- when I see a girl that wears revealing clothing, it saddens me, not just because I see that she doesn't agree with my personal morals, but because I see that she may have a lot of insecurities that run FAR deeper than that she is just "promiscuous", or whatever the condemnatory word du jour is. It is the same principle for a guy (personal experience) that works out constantly and wears size 'XS' t-shirts to school or out with his friends. At the root, it is the same problem. We are sinful people, and sinful people like to get noticed. For a guy, it may be showing off his guns or his abs, and for a girl it might be showing the more-than-necessary cleavage or short short shorts. Both unbelievers and believers that dress in ways that bring undue attention to themselves have a Gospel problem, in that unbelievers don't believe that there is a way to be fulfilled inside other than exposing themselves for the attention of onlookers, and believers are insecure because they think that they need to do something to supplement the COMPLETE AND TOTAL soul-satisfying work of Christ on the cross by getting the looks, stares, nods, winks, or whispers from onlookers.
This is why I'm sad. There is an answer to the problem of emptiness! You don't need to compare yourself to someone else, get the attention of men (or women), or even just dress in a way that accentuates how good you may perhaps look. As a brother, I BEG that you would consider what I'm saying! Please! I know it's something that is very close to you, even possibly something that is a part of your identity as a person, but I don't want to see that the way you dress is more important to you than the THE TOTAL AND COMPLETE SOUL-SATISFYING POWER OF THE GOSPEL!!! You don't need the approving looks from guys that you walk past or the other girls you hang out with, because Jesus is so much better!
I ABSOLUTELY DON'T want you to think that God somehow likes you more if you wear Puritan dresses and have really long hair and don't wear makeup; because that's the same insecurity, but on the other side of the spectrum. What I want to communicate is that it is a blessing to my soul when I see women that don't let their shirt puff out when they bend over, because they understand that they don't need to direct attention towards themselves to feel deeply loved and satisfied in the deepest parts of their spirit. Instead, they love Jesus and they know that He loves them, and He is ALL.
I hope that I'm appealing on a deeper level than the self-focused "You need to consider your testimony." I'm fairly certain that we can't be rightly motivated unless it's out of love for the gospel in response for what Jesus accomplished there. God isn't happy with obedience to the rules that we've been taught our whole lives, God is happy when we love Him for who He is and live the minutia of our lives in response to the love with which He loved us. The message of complete self-affirmation in the Gospel is so much more powerful, and really, I'm convinced that it makes a lot more sense.
Thanks for listening, and I hope you think on these things :)
Deus Spes Nostra
wow. this is great.
ReplyDeleteBesides being really well written, I think your post hits the nail right on the head. Helpful for guys and girls.
ReplyDeleteSo what you're saying is that God is all we need for (the good) life, and that we can really be happy growing in a God-centered life?! Thanks for writing. Good reminder. pjs
ReplyDeleteExcellent post. Many true and insightful thoughts. Keep thinking, David.
ReplyDeleteAs a father of two daughters, I've heard many variations to this theme over the last 20 years, as your post shows that you obviously have as well.
ReplyDeleteFrom my experience, I would respond by first humbly admitting that my girls have been honestly guilty of dressing inappropriately at times, as have I in the way that a guy would be considered to be inappropriate (80s, spandex. Enough said. ;)
What I would begin to part ways with you, however, is the core of your point, that this has stemmed from some need to "be noticed."
While I admit that both genders are guilty of seeking attention at various times throughout their lives, I can't join you in the simple conclusion that "At the root, it is the same problem. We are sinful people, and sinful people like to get noticed."
We all have egos, to be sure, and are all guilty of seeking to inflate and satisfy those egos. To this very specific thing, your point is spot on. Of course, with respect, it's also the obvious and easy discussion. I mean, who could possibly disagree?
The much larger issue, however, is a combination of other not so self-seeking particulars. The first particular is a general disagreement on what is "revealing" or otherwise inappropriate.
There isn't a single person on this planet less interested in how my girls please the eye and more interested in helping them guard their purity than my wife and me. Having said that, we've been spoken to or heard others having issues with they way our girls were dressed after we'd approved what they were wearing.
Also, the way a kid (or adult, for that matter) dresses can also be an outward expression of what's going on inside, but not necessarily for selfish or sinful reasons. It's simply the best way they have available to articulate what they are trying to say about themselves or their needs. (and yes, I readily admit that what they have to say can also be sinful, but that's another post.)
Anyway, after all the criticism that I've experienced through my daughters over 20 years, I'd have to say that by far the largest majority of it was nonsense or irrelevant from people that either had no idea what they were talking about, were really struggling with sin in their own lives that they wouldn't own up to, or simply had a difference of opinion regarding appropriateness from the actual authorities in my girls life.
And the more developed a girl becomes the more insane or from left field the critics become.
Only a small handful of criticism, in my opinion, had actual merit. Certainly not enough to make a sweeping characterization on.
I don't say all that from out of a vacuum either. Being a dad means that I'm a guy too, of course. And as a guy I've had my own struggles around what you're talking about, both in my own appearance as well as dealing with my own eyes.
(Also, to be clear this is a general post in response to the subject that you presented and NOT IN ANY WAY a reflection of how I think about you or your motives, David.)