Maturing Into Manhood 1.0

It’s been a good 61 days. I’ve done quite a bit for one quarter: I have found out a possible housing arrangement for next year, hosted a massively huge party, added two serves to my ping-pong repertoire, failed a science exam, met with multiple counselors in order to further understand to what specific kind of vocational ministry God may be calling me, made four(ish) new friends, and again learned how ridiculously emotional I am. I have learned a lot about life through all of those things, but I feel especially burdened to share some thoughts on the last point of emotional self-control.

This is one of the many difficulties of growing into manhood – while in high school, I readily oozed emotion anyone and everyone that would listen; but seeing the need to protect others from the destructive nature of “emotional throw-up” (as coined by my roommate), I am being convinced that discernment is extremely valuable, especially when sharing life with women particularly. 1 Peter 3:7 teaches, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” This verse does not describe exactly how men are to interact with women, but we (men) have the moral obligation to observe and understand how our thoughts, words, and actions affect them. As I personally strive to live out the implications of this verse, I am convicted that I must be careful with the smallest things, even things like body language and tone of voice, to ensure that I do not lead any women to believe something other than what I am trying to communicate. This approach may seem like work, and it is. Being careful with actions and speech is not easy, and it takes discipline that is quite often difficult, but it is what God calls us young men to as we have not yet reached the point to pursue someone with the goal of moving from brother/sister to husband/wife.

1 Timothy 5:1-2 also addresses this issue, “Treat…younger women like sisters, in all purity.” Through all means of communication with women, I must not only make painstakingly sure that I know what I am communicating and how I am coming across, but I must pray that God changes my heart in a way such that I want to pursue relationships with the opposite sex like I would a sister. Pursuing a brother/sister relationship in all purity seems to indicate a certain propriety with which the relationship is approached; while there is obviously there is the physical aspect of “all purity”, I cannot imagine that the apostle Paul would have stopped there. While a husband and wife become one flesh physically (Genesis 2:24), there is a clear emotional connection that develops in the dating/engagement period that is the foundation on which the marriage is built. Paul is not only warning young men to be physically pure in male/female relationships, but is also warning us to not treat any woman in the way that when married, he would only treat his wife.

As my third and final point, I want to be perfectly clear that while there must be the utmost care and respect in man/woman relationships, I do not want to communicate that I think everyone should be celibate, or ignore the opposite sex, or anything like that. Agur says in Proverbs 30:17-18: “Three things are too wonderful for me; four I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a serpent on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a maiden (RSV).” When the time is right (there actually is a time that is right), it is an AWESOME thing to be able to pursue a woman in a more-than-friends relationship! It is amazing to see how a jerk guy –or girl for that matter– can be totally changed because of their ‘significant other’ in that way! But when emotions are shared before either side can act on them, from what I’ve seen, the only by-products are hurt and heartache, not to mention the incredible temptations and opportunities for sin.

I understand that my last 717 words cover these issues with extremely broad brush-strokes. They are just some of the thoughts I have had because of situations in my own life; and as I observe other younger men in their –immature– dealings with other younger women, and I feel like there is a general lack of guidance (or lack of submission to authority) concerning them and these pre-mature high school relationships. I would love some feedback in the comments section on especially this and the other posts on my manhood posts. I’m just another guy that has put of maturity for long enough and just trying to make sense of what God wants for young men as they/we transition from immature boyhood to a state of manhood that is able to properly care for a marriage, family, job, and ministry in a godly and manly way.

In this case, as always, Deus Spes Nostra!!

Meditations at Children Desiring God 2011

So I am at the Children Desiring God conference, sitting here in a row of seats, observing people, eavesdropping on conversations, and restfully processing the experience of this weekend in a few moments of stillness. One thing that has stood out to me in this barrage of God-glorifying and others-focused teaching, and that is that we as Bible believing adults have the moral obligation to serve the young men and women that are growing up in the body through mentorship, discipleship, and voluntary acts of service. I’ve been becoming increasingly aware of the plight that the younger generations are faced with, as it seems as though there are more and more young men that are being mentored by their peers, not godly leaders. At CDG, I am one of the youngest men in attendance, and have met incredibly humble and godly men that have talked and prayed with me; and through these interaction, I have realized how vital the need is for the church to have those kinds of men to lead and help guide younger men like me, but especially through the middle/high school years. Looking back, one of the things I did not have as a junior higher was an older man in the church who was willing to model a sincere love for God and an equally sincere love for people. While this was God’s will in my life, I know that I would probably have been different given the presence of a mentor like that. As I compare my earlier life experiences with the things that I am learning and observing now, I can see that there are many cases where having a role model other than my father could have been very helpful to reinforce Biblical truth and encourage a totally surrendering love for God.

In applying this to my life as a green college student, I can see that I have not done very well at all when leading, or attempting to lead the younger men that God has placed in my life. Through these sessions and times of prayer at CDG, I have been encouraged to both seek out godly mentoring from men that can pour years of wisdom into my life through prayer and encouragement, and the opportunity to speak into the lives of younger men that also need direction as they experience many of the same things that I experienced at their age. The Biblical model of discipleship seems to point to the selfless discipling of the younger generation for the building up of the kingdom; and this is the reason I believe that (at any age) the mentoring of younger men, by more mature older men, is absolutely essential to the vibrancy and growth of any body of believers. While it may seem obvious, the only growth in any mentor/mentee relationship can only be harvested by the Creator. That reality should shape the approach to discipleship in a way that will leave the discipler completely reliant on the work of the cross in the life of the disciple through prayer and power of the Holy Spirit.