Some people are easy targets for the "insecurity" label. The one that will do or say anything to receive approval from others is just as insecure as the person that is known as the "contrarian" and his or her life's purpose is to prove the world wrong. Both sides of the spectrum, while they externalize insecurity oppositely, are driven by the same motivation. Almost every interpersonal problem is fueled by insecurity, which is just a trendy word for the darkest, most prevalent sin since the begininning: pride. The yearning for either self-affirmation or affirmation that comes from the outside are both desires that are fulfilled outside the truth of Christ's sacrifice.
Whenever a pattern of extreme self-centeredness begins to rear its ugly head, it needs to be cut off while it is still young. This can be difficult, because these heads of pride and self-centeredness can, as we have already seen, manifest themselves oppositely. It is easy to acknowledge pride when one acts obnoxiously and abrasively, because they are acting in a way that exalts their own opinions and comfort over the interests of others. However, it is harder to see insecurity in someone who is known as "the nice guy" (or girl) because they may come across as a genuinely caring person; but deep down on the inside, there may be the longing for affirmation that he or she thinks will be satisfied by gaining the respect/adoration of other people. This attitude displays insecurity at its finest.
While this problem of pride and insecurity easily plagues everyone in some way, there is a glorious solution to the problem. Children of God have an identity placed on them that is grounded in the work that Christ accomplished on the cross. If we sense the feelings of insecurity and dissatisfaction concerning the gospel begin to surface, we must meditate on what Christ effectively accomplished for His own on the cross. It is incredibly rewarding to meditate upon the reality that we have been chosen before the foundation of the world as vessels of mercy, vessels to whom God is revealing the riches of His grace. Furthermore, this reality is even more special as we consider the alternative: by no merit of our own, God saved us from having our identity be one that is one and the same with vessels of wrath prepared for destruction. Outside of that truth, neither insults or praise should affect us significantly at all.
I have found that as I personally work through this struggle of desiring affirmation from others to reassert my own proud opinion of myself, I realize that the only true solution to that constant yearning is the understanding of the gospel. This is yet another situation in which I need to preach the gospel to myself every day. The more that I understand how incapable I am of doing anything good (John 15:5), and the more that Christ's work on Calvary becomes a known and effective reality in my life, the less I feel like defending myself or embarking on a scavenger hunt for compliments. The freedom of complete (and I mean complete) satisfaction and stability in understanding what God calls us is unspeakable. The glorious solidity of a secure relationship with God affects every other aspect of our lives, not just our relationships with Him or with others. While I still constantly deal with this issue pride/insecurity, I feel very confident that God has at least shown me the general path of pursuit and given me the foundational experience of know what He wants for me, namely the complete satisfaction in His ultimate glorification, expressed in my deep seated, all-encompassing joy. For that, I am incredibly and inexpressibly grateful.
Whenever a pattern of extreme self-centeredness begins to rear its ugly head, it needs to be cut off while it is still young. This can be difficult, because these heads of pride and self-centeredness can, as we have already seen, manifest themselves oppositely. It is easy to acknowledge pride when one acts obnoxiously and abrasively, because they are acting in a way that exalts their own opinions and comfort over the interests of others. However, it is harder to see insecurity in someone who is known as "the nice guy" (or girl) because they may come across as a genuinely caring person; but deep down on the inside, there may be the longing for affirmation that he or she thinks will be satisfied by gaining the respect/adoration of other people. This attitude displays insecurity at its finest.
While this problem of pride and insecurity easily plagues everyone in some way, there is a glorious solution to the problem. Children of God have an identity placed on them that is grounded in the work that Christ accomplished on the cross. If we sense the feelings of insecurity and dissatisfaction concerning the gospel begin to surface, we must meditate on what Christ effectively accomplished for His own on the cross. It is incredibly rewarding to meditate upon the reality that we have been chosen before the foundation of the world as vessels of mercy, vessels to whom God is revealing the riches of His grace. Furthermore, this reality is even more special as we consider the alternative: by no merit of our own, God saved us from having our identity be one that is one and the same with vessels of wrath prepared for destruction. Outside of that truth, neither insults or praise should affect us significantly at all.
I have found that as I personally work through this struggle of desiring affirmation from others to reassert my own proud opinion of myself, I realize that the only true solution to that constant yearning is the understanding of the gospel. This is yet another situation in which I need to preach the gospel to myself every day. The more that I understand how incapable I am of doing anything good (John 15:5), and the more that Christ's work on Calvary becomes a known and effective reality in my life, the less I feel like defending myself or embarking on a scavenger hunt for compliments. The freedom of complete (and I mean complete) satisfaction and stability in understanding what God calls us is unspeakable. The glorious solidity of a secure relationship with God affects every other aspect of our lives, not just our relationships with Him or with others. While I still constantly deal with this issue pride/insecurity, I feel very confident that God has at least shown me the general path of pursuit and given me the foundational experience of know what He wants for me, namely the complete satisfaction in His ultimate glorification, expressed in my deep seated, all-encompassing joy. For that, I am incredibly and inexpressibly grateful.
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