The Lord has used the last few weeks to reveal a lack of God-honoring manliness in the way I navigate the seas of life. Through prayer meetings and counseling sessions, one particularly poignant admonition was the encouragement that I need to grow in my ability to wear what one called, "the brave face."
A man who has the ability to wear his brave face well is a man who is able to face adversity in various forms, and appropriately portray the inward emotions that accompany the situation.
Wearing the brave face means 1) one should continually cultivate a sense of discernment that rightly determines who in the world should know what details of life.
Wearing the brave face means 2) knowing how each piece of information will affect those who are made aware of it.
This likely means not telling every person every problem, even in honesty's name. When things around are crumbling, a man who wears a brave face knows when to say that things are still "going alright." This man knows when and how to express concern. He knows when and how to be vulnerable, which can be trickiest of all.
To wear a brave face is to daily die to oneself, especially in the tough times. As a human, a man will, at times, feel like the cogs running his sanity will come to a smoking, squealing, abrupt, miserably painful halt. As with most things, there are two extremes in dealing with this natural discomfort of suffering: one might either desire to tell everybody everything, or desire not to tell anyone anything.
These two extremes look completely different, but at the root, are exactly the same. Both come from a false conception of what will satisfy our need to be healed. One might have the tendency to desire the world to be an encyclopedia of his or her life. This person wants everyone to know what's going on. This person thinks that if someone else can be fully informed, the act of informing a third party will displace the burden, thus circumventing the daily grind of having to bear all its weight. On the other hand, there is the foolish macho-man who won't tell anyone anything because he thinks like the young Mr. Incredible: "I work alone." As with most things, the correct answer is somewhere in the gray. Both attitudes contain particles of truth. There is a sense in which a man needs to let other people know the deeply painful things. Galatians 6:2 speaks directly to this: "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." We need each other, and the man who tells everyone everything has found the truth, but brought to excess.
The other morsel can be found in the false-strength of the man's man. Though this guy might exceed in being too private because "he works alone", Galatians 6:4-5 also speaks directly to his attitude: "But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load." Paul makes plainly clear that "each will have to bear his own load." In other words, there are some things for which God is holding me, and only me, accountable.
In summary:
1) We need to understand that we need help.
2) We need to understand that God holds us responsible for our own day-to-day situations that He has given for our own personal sanctification.
To tie this back to the brave face, if I come home after a long hard week of work and I am drained, acutely feeling the sufferings of this present age, I need to wear my brave face for my children. Referring back to the two points I stated at the beginning, 1) my kids don't need to know all of what's going on because 2) the effect will be detrimental to their souls. I need to protect them and show them that though this life is wrought with affliction, I still love them. I still find joy in them.
In a husband/wife relationship, the game is much different but very similar. She 1) needs to know all the details of why a situation has gotten tough (e.g. finances, personal conflict); but because her stability is directly tied to the stability of her husband, 2) her husband needs to know how to communicate the truths in a way that won't open her up to unnecessary concern and the temptation to become anxious. He needs to know how what says will affect her. This means that the husband might need to mask how difficult things are for him. Even if he feels on the brink of hopelessness, he still has the duty to guard and guide her heart towards the Rock of Salvation, giving her hope that though times are hard, Jesus never moves.
You might say, "But David, you're ridiculous. What if this man is actually falling apart at the seams? It sounds like you're advocating that the husband give his wife a false sense of security. Shouldn't he tell her how he is truthfully doing on the inside? She's your wife after all!"
This was my objection when I was first presented with the idea of the brave face. I still stand by the two principles listed at the beginning:
1) Wisely choose who is best to know the deep things about you.
2) Know how what you communicate will affect those to whom you communicate.
1 Peter 3:7 commands husbands to live with their wives in an understanding way. Not only should we live with our wives in an understanding way, we should live with everyone in an understanding way, and husbands should especially do so with their wives. From what I have learned, it's not wrong to tell someone that life is incredibly hard, because struggling is a face. However, as a man (or maturing adult) I can tell anyone that I am truly doing "alright" because I am resting safe and secure in Christ. Life might not be easy, but I am doing OK. Nothing happens to me that Jesus doesn't want to see me through. As I presented in a post from January, Courage is the ability to do something because one realizes a reality that is greater than one's own. That basis for courage is the reason for why I can genuinely say that I'm doing "alright."
And yes, as protectors and providers, men are still human. I'm not advocating a kind of brusqueness/macho-ness/faux-toughguy-ness. Men need (I need) older wiser fathers in the faith actively in my life, so I can safely approach them and let it all hang out, looking to them for guidance and direction. Men, no matter how impervious, still need a place to safely freak out for a little while. We just need to know 1) where, and 2) how. The Lord has given us the body of Christ for times like these.
I recognize that this concept is idealistic. I recognize that I'm an unmarried 20-year-old, thus lacking most of the experience that would validate my claims. I recognize that nothing ever works perfectly. But I see the wisdom in the brave face. I see that the brave face can't be done well without being secured in the Rock-solid foundation of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, aka, the Gospel.
He is the hope for a self-controlled, servant-hearted growth into manhood.
.DSN.
A man who has the ability to wear his brave face well is a man who is able to face adversity in various forms, and appropriately portray the inward emotions that accompany the situation.
Wearing the brave face means 1) one should continually cultivate a sense of discernment that rightly determines who in the world should know what details of life.
Wearing the brave face means 2) knowing how each piece of information will affect those who are made aware of it.
This likely means not telling every person every problem, even in honesty's name. When things around are crumbling, a man who wears a brave face knows when to say that things are still "going alright." This man knows when and how to express concern. He knows when and how to be vulnerable, which can be trickiest of all.
To wear a brave face is to daily die to oneself, especially in the tough times. As a human, a man will, at times, feel like the cogs running his sanity will come to a smoking, squealing, abrupt, miserably painful halt. As with most things, there are two extremes in dealing with this natural discomfort of suffering: one might either desire to tell everybody everything, or desire not to tell anyone anything.
These two extremes look completely different, but at the root, are exactly the same. Both come from a false conception of what will satisfy our need to be healed. One might have the tendency to desire the world to be an encyclopedia of his or her life. This person wants everyone to know what's going on. This person thinks that if someone else can be fully informed, the act of informing a third party will displace the burden, thus circumventing the daily grind of having to bear all its weight. On the other hand, there is the foolish macho-man who won't tell anyone anything because he thinks like the young Mr. Incredible: "I work alone." As with most things, the correct answer is somewhere in the gray. Both attitudes contain particles of truth. There is a sense in which a man needs to let other people know the deeply painful things. Galatians 6:2 speaks directly to this: "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." We need each other, and the man who tells everyone everything has found the truth, but brought to excess.
The other morsel can be found in the false-strength of the man's man. Though this guy might exceed in being too private because "he works alone", Galatians 6:4-5 also speaks directly to his attitude: "But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load." Paul makes plainly clear that "each will have to bear his own load." In other words, there are some things for which God is holding me, and only me, accountable.
In summary:
1) We need to understand that we need help.
2) We need to understand that God holds us responsible for our own day-to-day situations that He has given for our own personal sanctification.
To tie this back to the brave face, if I come home after a long hard week of work and I am drained, acutely feeling the sufferings of this present age, I need to wear my brave face for my children. Referring back to the two points I stated at the beginning, 1) my kids don't need to know all of what's going on because 2) the effect will be detrimental to their souls. I need to protect them and show them that though this life is wrought with affliction, I still love them. I still find joy in them.
In a husband/wife relationship, the game is much different but very similar. She 1) needs to know all the details of why a situation has gotten tough (e.g. finances, personal conflict); but because her stability is directly tied to the stability of her husband, 2) her husband needs to know how to communicate the truths in a way that won't open her up to unnecessary concern and the temptation to become anxious. He needs to know how what says will affect her. This means that the husband might need to mask how difficult things are for him. Even if he feels on the brink of hopelessness, he still has the duty to guard and guide her heart towards the Rock of Salvation, giving her hope that though times are hard, Jesus never moves.
You might say, "But David, you're ridiculous. What if this man is actually falling apart at the seams? It sounds like you're advocating that the husband give his wife a false sense of security. Shouldn't he tell her how he is truthfully doing on the inside? She's your wife after all!"
This was my objection when I was first presented with the idea of the brave face. I still stand by the two principles listed at the beginning:
1) Wisely choose who is best to know the deep things about you.
2) Know how what you communicate will affect those to whom you communicate.
1 Peter 3:7 commands husbands to live with their wives in an understanding way. Not only should we live with our wives in an understanding way, we should live with everyone in an understanding way, and husbands should especially do so with their wives. From what I have learned, it's not wrong to tell someone that life is incredibly hard, because struggling is a face. However, as a man (or maturing adult) I can tell anyone that I am truly doing "alright" because I am resting safe and secure in Christ. Life might not be easy, but I am doing OK. Nothing happens to me that Jesus doesn't want to see me through. As I presented in a post from January, Courage is the ability to do something because one realizes a reality that is greater than one's own. That basis for courage is the reason for why I can genuinely say that I'm doing "alright."
And yes, as protectors and providers, men are still human. I'm not advocating a kind of brusqueness/macho-ness/faux-toughguy-ness. Men need (I need) older wiser fathers in the faith actively in my life, so I can safely approach them and let it all hang out, looking to them for guidance and direction. Men, no matter how impervious, still need a place to safely freak out for a little while. We just need to know 1) where, and 2) how. The Lord has given us the body of Christ for times like these.
I recognize that this concept is idealistic. I recognize that I'm an unmarried 20-year-old, thus lacking most of the experience that would validate my claims. I recognize that nothing ever works perfectly. But I see the wisdom in the brave face. I see that the brave face can't be done well without being secured in the Rock-solid foundation of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, aka, the Gospel.
He is the hope for a self-controlled, servant-hearted growth into manhood.
.DSN.
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