Gotcha. Catchy title, eh?
While Christmas, Thanksgiving, and 4th of July can be problematic because they might be a little awkward, they pale in comparison to the strange uncomftorbility (Uncomftorbility is a word, trust me) that is the Day of St. Valentine. This post a little longer than what could be considered "bearable". I wanted to address everyone (as you can skip to your section, if you so choose), as this is an important issue that I want to properly engage. I hope what I have here is both challenging and encouraging.
If you have a significant other, one of you will probably care more about having this day be especially romantic than the other. That's the nature of personalities; opposites really do attract. And unfortunately, February 14th can become a difficult sticking point in the lives of many that are in relationships of any kind. Whether "non-dating", actually dating, seriously dating, engaged, or married, unmet expectations will create rifts and difficulties that will need to be sorted through and dealt with. Case and point: I just typed in the word "Valentine" in a Google search bar, and of the first four search suggestions, two of them were "Valentine's Gifts" and "Valentine's Ideas." Seriously? Nobody has any idea what to do or how to do it on VD.
Ladies: Chances are that you are going to hold Valentine's Day in a higher regard than your man will. Hopefully he will recognize that and do his best to be thoughtful enough about the situation to properly anticipate what will be the most meaningful for you. Maybe he will buy you a thoughtful gift; maybe he will be intentional about recognizing the things you do for him; maybe he will finally do that one chore you've been asking him to do since last Valentine's Day; or maybe he will spend the day/evening talking with you, pushing all else aside to give you his undivided attention; maybe he will do all of those things, who knows. But, as a man, I am a witness to the fact that he feels the pressure. Some men are genuinely better at following through in these kinds of high-expectation situations and some are not, but both of them know that you want the day to be different. I don't want to say what any one guy in particular should do, and I can't be the judge of whether or not he even tried (he honestly might not have), but all you can do is be reasonable. That's all. Think about what is realistic for him to accomplish with the money and resources that he has available to him and don't allow yourself to get upset if what you want does not match up with what he can practically deliver.
Most of all, I hope that you are aware that while Valentine's Day does have the potential to be really fun and exciting, don't look to your man to make all of your problems go away. He can't do it. He is limited by the fact that he is infinitely imperfect. If you want all of your problems solved, you are going to have to find a Bible, open it up, and bang your knees against the ground as you literally beg Jesus to be all that you need. And then when your boyfriend/fiancée/husband does actually do something, your expectations will have been more properly tempered, and you will be able to enjoy yourself a whole lot more.
With that being said, I am not saying that you shouldn't desire to have an out-of-the-ordinary awesome time with the man you love. You absolutely should. And guess what- he should too.
Speaking of which, Men- There are three kinds of us that I can categorize in my mind as it relates to romantic capacity: Man #1) the closet romantic who wants to preserve an austere exterior but really is an emotional teddy-bear; similarly, Man #2) is an open romantic who doesn't care about preserving any kind of exterior and lets it all hang out; Man #3) is that guy who really doesn't care about putting much effort into anything that isn't practically helpful or logically necessary. Man #3 has a hard time seeing why it matters to do something crazy and emotional when February 14th is merely preceded by February 13th and followed by February 15th. Man #3 can be romantic, but his flashes of brilliance are much fewer and further between than the times of Man #1 and Man #2. I have a word for all three.
Types 1 and 2: You may genuinely enjoy Valentine's Day. You enjoy planning what you're going to do, how you are going to surprise her, and seeing where things go. My only advice to you is to make sure that you serve her on her terms, not yours. Just because you don't loathe the idea of Valentine's Day doesn't mean that you are going to do a great job of serving your lady in a way that will be meaningful to her. She may feel love in a very different way than you want to give it. My encouragement is if you want to buy her something really nice but she just wants to have dinner and spend the night talking and/or watching a movie, don't spend $150 on a meaningless (TO HER) piece of jewelry, spend time giving her your undivided attention. If it would mean the world to her if you just took time out of your day making a meal for her that she likes and afterwards doing the dishes, don't do the talking-all-night thing. Get off your little tushy and figure her out.
Type 3: I understand that the only difference you see between Valentine's Day and Labor Day is that Labor Day lets you take the trash out a day late. I understand that you get aggravated with all the arbitrary and often unrealistic expectations that get thrown around at this time of year.
Here's the thing: IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU, BRO. Don't let your often-selfishly logical side take over; serving is not about what is easiest. It's not necessarily about what makes sense. It's about seeing what someone wants (especially the woman you love the most in the world) and doing your best to make it happen because you love her. Fall on your face and ask God to make you someone that loves others with your whole heart because that's what Jesus did for you. In humility, he considered others better than Himself... Even people that aren't as logical as He is.
---
To the single people, I understand what's going on. At this point in the sovereign plan of God, I am one of you. I am not past any of this by any means. Valentine's Day is the most noticeable holiday on the face of the planet (followed closely by New Years Eve of course). I know, some have a harder time than others, and you might, in all honesty, be peacefully content in your state of singlehood. I'm happy for you. But for the rest of the world, here's an encouragement: The commercials, the nauseatingly cute couples, the "happily ever afters" are never what they're all cracked up to be. Just because you are "single" does not mean that you are alone. You have community. You have fellowship. You have a Savior who you can talk to about literally everything, whenever you want! How crazy-awesome is that!? Don't spend your Valentine's Day wishing you could have someone else to call your own. Instead, rejoice with those who rejoice. Be happy for the couple that just got engaged! Be happy for the newlyweds! Be happy for the married couples that have been married for 25 years! Most likely, your day will come- at that point you will be so joyful that you won't know what to do with yourself and you will love and enjoy those that enter into your joy with you!
The other thing I also understand is that you may genuinely want to happy for the newlyweds. You may see how important it is for you to come out of your own selfishness and stop having pity parties all the time. You may see that but at the same time, not be able to do anything about it. It's hard. I know it is. Not only is it hard, it is literally is impossible for you to turn your heart from self-centeredness to God-centeredness. That's why we need to bang our knees on the ground ask God to satisfy us with who He is and what He has done. He's promised that He will. What's a promise from God mean exactly? It means that there's no possible way that it WON'T happen!
I'll finish up with this verse. I just read it again this morning, but Valentine's Day has given it a new meaning.
He is our only hope.
.DSN.
While Christmas, Thanksgiving, and 4th of July can be problematic because they might be a little awkward, they pale in comparison to the strange uncomftorbility (Uncomftorbility is a word, trust me) that is the Day of St. Valentine. This post a little longer than what could be considered "bearable". I wanted to address everyone (as you can skip to your section, if you so choose), as this is an important issue that I want to properly engage. I hope what I have here is both challenging and encouraging.
Here is my outline of address (follow the emboldened headings):
I. Ladies in a relationship
II. Men in a relationship
III. Ladies and men not in a relationship.---
If you have a significant other, one of you will probably care more about having this day be especially romantic than the other. That's the nature of personalities; opposites really do attract. And unfortunately, February 14th can become a difficult sticking point in the lives of many that are in relationships of any kind. Whether "non-dating", actually dating, seriously dating, engaged, or married, unmet expectations will create rifts and difficulties that will need to be sorted through and dealt with. Case and point: I just typed in the word "Valentine" in a Google search bar, and of the first four search suggestions, two of them were "Valentine's Gifts" and "Valentine's Ideas." Seriously? Nobody has any idea what to do or how to do it on VD.
Ladies: Chances are that you are going to hold Valentine's Day in a higher regard than your man will. Hopefully he will recognize that and do his best to be thoughtful enough about the situation to properly anticipate what will be the most meaningful for you. Maybe he will buy you a thoughtful gift; maybe he will be intentional about recognizing the things you do for him; maybe he will finally do that one chore you've been asking him to do since last Valentine's Day; or maybe he will spend the day/evening talking with you, pushing all else aside to give you his undivided attention; maybe he will do all of those things, who knows. But, as a man, I am a witness to the fact that he feels the pressure. Some men are genuinely better at following through in these kinds of high-expectation situations and some are not, but both of them know that you want the day to be different. I don't want to say what any one guy in particular should do, and I can't be the judge of whether or not he even tried (he honestly might not have), but all you can do is be reasonable. That's all. Think about what is realistic for him to accomplish with the money and resources that he has available to him and don't allow yourself to get upset if what you want does not match up with what he can practically deliver.
Most of all, I hope that you are aware that while Valentine's Day does have the potential to be really fun and exciting, don't look to your man to make all of your problems go away. He can't do it. He is limited by the fact that he is infinitely imperfect. If you want all of your problems solved, you are going to have to find a Bible, open it up, and bang your knees against the ground as you literally beg Jesus to be all that you need. And then when your boyfriend/fiancée/husband does actually do something, your expectations will have been more properly tempered, and you will be able to enjoy yourself a whole lot more.
With that being said, I am not saying that you shouldn't desire to have an out-of-the-ordinary awesome time with the man you love. You absolutely should. And guess what- he should too.
Speaking of which, Men- There are three kinds of us that I can categorize in my mind as it relates to romantic capacity: Man #1) the closet romantic who wants to preserve an austere exterior but really is an emotional teddy-bear; similarly, Man #2) is an open romantic who doesn't care about preserving any kind of exterior and lets it all hang out; Man #3) is that guy who really doesn't care about putting much effort into anything that isn't practically helpful or logically necessary. Man #3 has a hard time seeing why it matters to do something crazy and emotional when February 14th is merely preceded by February 13th and followed by February 15th. Man #3 can be romantic, but his flashes of brilliance are much fewer and further between than the times of Man #1 and Man #2. I have a word for all three.
Types 1 and 2: You may genuinely enjoy Valentine's Day. You enjoy planning what you're going to do, how you are going to surprise her, and seeing where things go. My only advice to you is to make sure that you serve her on her terms, not yours. Just because you don't loathe the idea of Valentine's Day doesn't mean that you are going to do a great job of serving your lady in a way that will be meaningful to her. She may feel love in a very different way than you want to give it. My encouragement is if you want to buy her something really nice but she just wants to have dinner and spend the night talking and/or watching a movie, don't spend $150 on a meaningless (TO HER) piece of jewelry, spend time giving her your undivided attention. If it would mean the world to her if you just took time out of your day making a meal for her that she likes and afterwards doing the dishes, don't do the talking-all-night thing. Get off your little tushy and figure her out.
Type 3: I understand that the only difference you see between Valentine's Day and Labor Day is that Labor Day lets you take the trash out a day late. I understand that you get aggravated with all the arbitrary and often unrealistic expectations that get thrown around at this time of year.
Here's the thing: IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU, BRO. Don't let your often-selfishly logical side take over; serving is not about what is easiest. It's not necessarily about what makes sense. It's about seeing what someone wants (especially the woman you love the most in the world) and doing your best to make it happen because you love her. Fall on your face and ask God to make you someone that loves others with your whole heart because that's what Jesus did for you. In humility, he considered others better than Himself... Even people that aren't as logical as He is.
---
To the single people, I understand what's going on. At this point in the sovereign plan of God, I am one of you. I am not past any of this by any means. Valentine's Day is the most noticeable holiday on the face of the planet (followed closely by New Years Eve of course). I know, some have a harder time than others, and you might, in all honesty, be peacefully content in your state of singlehood. I'm happy for you. But for the rest of the world, here's an encouragement: The commercials, the nauseatingly cute couples, the "happily ever afters" are never what they're all cracked up to be. Just because you are "single" does not mean that you are alone. You have community. You have fellowship. You have a Savior who you can talk to about literally everything, whenever you want! How crazy-awesome is that!? Don't spend your Valentine's Day wishing you could have someone else to call your own. Instead, rejoice with those who rejoice. Be happy for the couple that just got engaged! Be happy for the newlyweds! Be happy for the married couples that have been married for 25 years! Most likely, your day will come- at that point you will be so joyful that you won't know what to do with yourself and you will love and enjoy those that enter into your joy with you!
The other thing I also understand is that you may genuinely want to happy for the newlyweds. You may see how important it is for you to come out of your own selfishness and stop having pity parties all the time. You may see that but at the same time, not be able to do anything about it. It's hard. I know it is. Not only is it hard, it is literally is impossible for you to turn your heart from self-centeredness to God-centeredness. That's why we need to bang our knees on the ground ask God to satisfy us with who He is and what He has done. He's promised that He will. What's a promise from God mean exactly? It means that there's no possible way that it WON'T happen!
I'll finish up with this verse. I just read it again this morning, but Valentine's Day has given it a new meaning.
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.In who? In Christ Jesus. That's not only what the Gospel promises, but it's who the Gospel promises. He's the bridegroom that will be the remedy for all of our problems. We need God to radically change our hearts so that we believe this all the way down to the core of our bones. We can't muster up faith on our own.
(Philippians 4:19 ESV)
He is our only hope.
.DSN.
this is good. proud. you're growing, young padawan!
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