Dating and Relationships: The List

Dating. Courting. Intentional Friendship. These words and phrases refer to an exclusive, more-than-friends type of interplay between two individuals. I do not plan on squabbling over superiority of terms here, and I personally have no preference for any them myself. However, what I do see is that this is one of the hottest conversation topics for most people from 15 (or younger)-married.

I believe that these issues of dating, relationships, marriage-talk, and the related subjects that are so widely discussed (especially in Christianity today) should be actively engaged in a way that does not spell out the singularly correct way to approach these things, because they are never black and white. There will always be those really strange situations that work and those really strange situations that end miserably; but in the end, all of them must be considered and worked through on their own merits.

God takes marriage incredibly seriously. The lens through which we see these crucially important issues must be colored with the Gospel, the promulgation of the glory of God, and good solid experiential wisdom. What I intend to do in this post and others is to share what is on my mind and heart concerning appropriate ways to pursue dating and relationships. Some posts may be focused a little bit more on the men, others on the women, but I hope that everyone can be challenged and encouraged no matter what topic in particular is engaged.

For this post, I wanted to share a few thoughts on the infamous and ubiquitous "List". Many of these thoughts came from a conversation with a good friend of mine who is currently engaged and sees these issues with great perspicuity, and I am sure they will be helpful for you as they have been for me.
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We all have experience with lists. Either we have had them, currently have them, or will have them at some point in the future. This list of which I speak is the one that outlines the things that are the most relevant to the quest for a partner. While I do recognize that the respective lists of males and females will be different, I would venture to say that most Christian lists look something like this, but with a few personal things thrown in as dictated by general changes in life circumstance and mood swings:

1. Loves Jesus, or Goes To Church, or Seems To Have Knowledge of God
2. Physically Attractive (this one can't be first, because we all know that's shallow...... riiiiiiiight)
3. Shared Life Goals
4. Shared Common Interest: Music, Athletics, Art, Hobbies
5. Funny (some value this more than others)

Here's the question: have you ever met anyone that totally satisfies your list?

It sounds/feels/looks great when you find the guy/girl of your dreams based on these lists, but think about it this way- what would happen if you found out that a person you really enjoy being with and are interested in really likes you, but not because they enjoy just hanging out and talking, but because you simply fit their list?

If you consider the implications of that statement, you very well might feel like something is off. I propose to you that your feeling of off-ness is justified. If potential-spouse evaluation is based on an arbitrary list of criteria, the person who fits/does not fit the criteria seems to be more of a subject in a scientific test rather than a living, breathing, dynamic individual that has thoughts, feelings, emotions, and a life of their own. 

If you base your interests purely on whether or not someone meets the standard, you are looking for a product, not a person. I hope that the majority of relationships are not this way, but if someone tries to find their happiness in a product rather than a person, I have two things to say: 1) you are using them to get what you think you need for yourself, and 2) you will be sadly disappointed every single time. 

I understand that God prepares our paths and we need to answer His call to ministry, business, maintenance, or whatever it is and look for somebody that seems to also have a calling that is not diametrically opposed to it. For example, a woman who feels strongly called and has many signs of affirmation to full-time mission work in Myanmar should strongly consider whether or not she should reciprocate interest in a man who is going to teach at a school in South Dakota. There are things like that that are real issues. However as my friend said, "You can't look for one specific thing in a person- you need to be able to say that you chill with the person just for fun with no inhibitions." Being able to simply relax and spend time with someone that will be an encouragement in the nurture and admonition of the Lord after a hard day at work is vital for a relationship to last through the inevitably hard and trying times. It is absolutely necessary to feel safe, not judged, and cared for by a significant other, because life is, more often than not, pretty hard. While by no means all-encompassing, my friend realized how incredible his girlfriend/now fiancée is because "We had the best conversations. I figured I could get down with doing that forever." How awesome is that.

What I do not want to say is that all types of criteria should be thrown out the window. There are certain criterion that are absolute essentials. Things like true and genuine love for the Gospel and specific calls into ministry are things that should never be overlooked- but the list of non-negotiables should be a very small list; because in all honesty, God knows what we need better than we do, and all we really know is whether or not we are spurred on to love and know Him better with this person than without him or her (sometimes even that is not an easy consideration). The rest is up to God.

That is what I see as the problem, but I don't have a knockdown solution- like I said, it's not black and white. However, here is one question that has immensely helped me better understand my own motives in why I "like" someone: "What about 'person x' do you actually love?" If you are drawing a blank as to real substantive answers as you try to answer this for yourself, I suggest that you really start to pray and attempt to discern if the relationship really does have staying power. Ignore external appearances. Ignore common interests. Those things will get old. They are fun and physical attraction is most definitely a very important thing, but even in normal friendships, common interests will indeed grow tiresome. So try this sometime! Ask this same question to your parents or other married couples that you respect and you will be amazed (with robust relationships) how deep good relationships actually go, and it may help you see things that you personally value for yourself a little more clearly.

I realize that I've oversimplified the pros and cons of "The List". It is possible that the things that attract you to someone else are attractions that God has put inside you to pare down your potential persons of interest. I'm attracted differently for different things than most of my guy friends are, and PRAISE GOD for that (less competition)! I believe that really is totally legit, but I just hope that you have engaged this topic and work through your own list and do your best to in all honesty find your interest in a person primarily for who they are, not what they do. It can be very difficult and confusing, but you will be much better off having addressed this rather than letting it lie latent and then finding out in the middle of a serious relationship that you really are only in it because you like the way you feel around him or her, because that is selfish.

Come on now, we all know that selfish couples don't last very long.

God is our hope... especially when it comes to dating and relationships.

.DSN.

P.S. For all those married people out there, I'd love for you to respond in the comment section with one thing that YOU love about your spouse! Same rules apply- excepting good looks and common interests, what do YOU love most about him or her?

Who Knows What Courage Is?

courage |ˈkərij; ˈkə-rij|nouna) the ability to do something that frightens oneb) strength in the face of pain or grief :

This is one popular definition for "courage". One can certainly say that courage is the ability to do something frightening. What I would like to suggest is that every person has the opportunity to be courageous every day.

Now, as I know that I have a tendency to redefine popular words and apply them in a nouveau/pseudo-spiritual sense with the partial goal of riding the cutting-edge of this Mainstream Reformed Evangelicalism, I don't want to so indulge myself in such behavior, particularly with this post. I will not redefine "courage", but I would like to add a little bit of depth to such a flat definition that ultimately turns each person in on his or herself and satisfies the sense of fulfillment we all crave for so deeply. 

The reason why believe that this definition is not complete is because there is no explanation for the motive of courageous acts. 

Let's think together about some of the instances in which one might consider someone else as having acted courageously. I will paint the picture of three of those situations:

1) Envision a building. It is located in the central business district of New York City. It has 65 stories. The main glass door that distinguishes the somebodies from the nobodies is bulletproof and crystal clear. Now walk through the lobby and enter the elevator. The music is a calming jazz-fusion, and the carpet is so soft that one cannot walk on it without slightly sinking down. Exit on the 64th floor. This floor is different than the rest of the floors in the rest of the building. There are only four offices on  the 64th, and all four occupiers make well over 7 figures per year. Enter the door that reads "Vice President" printed in cool silver lettering on a flat black background. There stands the VP of Megacorp, entire body trembling and sweating so profusely that he has ruined his entire $5,000+ suit and is leaving handprints of sweat all over his phone and his desk. He has just been informed that he will lose his job, benefits, and all forms of compensation because the president of Megacorp has finally been caught after having stolen more than $300 million, mostly from the shareholders. He has two options: 1) deny previous knowledge to the actions of the situation which would thereby allow him to leave the company quietly with a fair sum of money, or 2) admit to complicity, forcing him to lose everything. He picks up his phone and commands Siri to call his attorney. He leaves with nothing- a poor and broken man. Honesty got the best of him. Was he courageous? Absolutely. 

2) Let us move away from the white-collared elite level of corruption we find in New York City. Rewind the clock about 60 years. There is a war of elephantine (thank you Chesterton) magnitude that occurs on many fronts and in many countries during the early 5th decade of the 1900's. Running through the Black Forest in Germany, the squadron of Allied Forces are on their way to liberate a desperately suffering concentration camp. To the commander's surprise, and slew of Nazi infantrymen forcefully hurl their bodies into the now clustered division of Allied Infantrymen. Close enough for the use of bayonets, one Nazi infantryman rears back the butt of his rifle to plunge it deep into the core of one of the Allied men. One of these Allied comrades sees the brutal evisceration that is about to take place, and he leaps in front of the bayonet, consequently paying the price with his life. Was he courageous? Absolutely.

3) Forget about the far-away WWII forest scene and the picture of the high-ranking executive sweating his brains out. This last scenario happens in your own hometown, and includes individuals at your church. This may even occur in your own home. There is a mother, a father, and at least one child in the age range of 1-18 that is in nowise interested in complying with said child's mother's commands. She speaks clearly and patiently with the child until the child throws a temper tantrum and breaks the porcelain lamp while at the same time damaging the baby grand piano. The mother is now tempted to lose all control and give in to the desires of her child. Being a woman that loves Jesus and wanting to see her child grow in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, she removes herself from the situation, walks up the stairs to her room and prays. She returns with a continued peaceable spirit and does not relent from her wish to her children. While physically, emotionally, and spiritually draining, this mom takes her call as a mother gravely seriously, and waits to address the situation until her husband returns from work. She counts the cost, and considers it worth the struggle to give on her own feeling of rest and relaxation for the sake of her children. Was she courageous? Absolutely. 

What is the common thread that runs through these 3 different situations? "Courage", you might say. Sure. The answer is courage. The problem with that answer is that with the aforementioned definition of "courage", one cannot yet understand the depth present in any of the previously stated demonstrations it.

Here is my addendum to the Oxford English Dictionary definition of courage:

"Courage is the ability to do something that frightens one, or strength in the face of grief because he or she recognizes a reality that is greater than his or her own."

This addendum shifts the focus back to where it ultimately must rest. If the applause of courage was meant to stop and rest on those who displayed the courage, the greater cause for which those who displayed it would be obscured and its importance greatly mitigated. Excepting those who actually do something purely for the sake of recognition (as I am confident that none of the 3 heroes that I described would have done), courage is pushing through challenging, and also sometimes life-threatening situations. 

In Case #1, our high-up business executive friend most certainly did not act for any kind of recognition in admitting complicity. He responded truthfully in the court because he understood deep in his soul that a life of shadows and deception will always end in dissatisfaction and failure of almost every sort. While guilty, in an ultimate sense his conviction to tell the truth was grounded in the reality of honesty that transcends his relatively small problems. 

In Case #2, our soldier friend did not act out his embracing of simple altruistic principles. He saved the life of his friend because he was committed to a higher law than self-preservation. He died because he felt the law of love materializing and passionately flowing deep within his bones as he flew through the air to his most certain death. He was not interested in national recognition. Most likely, he didn't get any.

In Case #3, courage might be more difficult to locate. However, if "courage" includes the addendum that I added, courage is not challenging to find at all. The mother understood the greater reality that her children must be trained up with a right understanding that adversity is not overcome by wailing and screaming, but but humble submission to the will of God that can only be attained through prayer and earnest and selfless searching of the Scriptures. She was courageous because she loved her children too much to rest from her duty as a parent and give in to daily chaos and God-dishonoring behavior.

How does this idea of courage work in normal life? The average person is not going to need to jump in front of a charging bayonet. The average person is not going to need to tell the truth in court with hundreds of millions of dollars at stake. However, every man, woman, and child is presented with the opportunity to be courageous every day. The mother's courage in training her children rather than succumbing to fatigue was most certainly a courageous act. Having "that" conversation or not avoiding "that" guy or "that" girl in the hallway for the purpose of the greater reality of love for them and for their ultimate good are two ways to display normal, average, everyday courage.

We don't need a near-crisis moment to apply Joshua 1:9 to our walk. All we need is an uncomfortable moment to provide the opportunity to look outside of ourselves for the motivation to make the hard choice.

I posit that the essence of such a motivation is ultimately, love that flows from a pure heart that has tasted of love with which Jesus loved his children as He lived the life we couldn't live, to die the death that we would have died, to give us the inheritance that we will absolutely inherit. When we as believers are gripped by the greater reality of the coming kingdom of God and His totally unconditional love for his people, his people should be able to have the courage to make difficult decisions because we look to what lies ahead, not merely the ground resting under our feet.

Yet again, as always, He is our hope.

.DSN.

The Two Greatest Words: "...But God"

I'm going to cut to the chase. John Calvin says that the fallen human heart is an “idol-making factory,” always producing new idols for worship and veneration. When God awakens the eyes of our souls to new depths of self-centeredness and the other-godness to which we look for peace, happiness, joy, and life-fulfillment, we find ourselves in a quite pitiable state. 


As the Lord was appointing this self-awareness on my spirit yesterday, I did a quick search for the two words "but God". I began to tear up as I saw this form of "but God" movement being reiterated again and again through the progression of Biblical history. 


Here are a few of those gems. 


Before you read this short list, please take a moment (I strongly suggest that you quickly pray right now!) to ask the Holy Spirit to stir your affections and warm your heart to see the greatness and the insurmountable amount of love that God has for His children. 

(All passages are quoted from the English Standard Version)

He blotted out every living thing that was on the face of the ground, man and animals and creeping things and birds of the heavens. They were blotted out from the earth. Only Noah was left, and those who were with him in the ark. And the waters prevailed on the earth 150 days. But God remembered Noah and all the beasts and all the livestock that were with him in the ark. And God made a wind blow over the earth, and the waters subsided.

(Genesis 7:23-8:2)

You know that I have served your father with all my strength, yet your father has cheated me and changed my wages ten times. But God did not permit him to harm me.

(Genesis 31:6-7)

As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.

(Genesis 50:20)

And David remained in the strongholds in the wilderness, in the hill country of the wilderness of Ziph. And Saul sought him every day, but God did not give him into his hand.

(1 Samuel 23:14)

We must all die; we are like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be gathered up again. But God will not take away life, and he devises means so that the banished one will not remain an outcast.

(2 Samuel 14:14)

Like sheep they are appointed for Sheol; death shall be their shepherd, and the upright shall rule over them in the morning. Their form shall be consumed in Sheol, with no place to dwell. But God will ransom my soul from the power of Sheol, for he will receive me.

(Psalm 49:14-15)

“And the patriarchs, jealous of Joseph, sold him into Egypt; but God was with him and rescued him out of all his afflictions and gave him favor and wisdom before Pharaoh, king of Egypt, who made him ruler over Egypt and over all his household.

(Acts 7:9-10)

And we are witnesses of all that he did both in the country of the Jews and in Jerusalem. They put him to death by hanging him on a tree, but God raised him on the third day and made him to appear, not to all the people but to us who had been chosen by God as witnesses, who ate and drank with him after he rose from the dead.

(Acts 10:39-41)

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

(Romans 5:6-8)

For [Epaphroditus] has been longing for you all and has been distressed because you heard that he was ill. Indeed he was ill, near to death. But God had mercy on him, and not only on him but on me also, lest I should have sorrow upon sorrow.

(Philippians 2:26-27)

And finally, perhaps one of the most glorious passages on Scripture, Ephesians 2:1-10:

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

           

God is our hope.

.DSN.

Forgiveness: Literally Impossible.

In today's Christianity, poems, songs, sermons, and all kinds of books are written on the subject of forgiveness. For most, Christian or non-Christian, forgiveness sounds great; it's for those whose lives are easy, but unless you're the one who feels the pain, you realize that it's impossible to forgive (Pastor Tullian).

While my situation is incomparable to the suffering that many have had to endure through the years, God used this sequence of events to open my eyes to the literal impossibility of human to human forgiveness without having been gripped by the reality of forgiveness in the Gospel..

I was leaving for my first semester of college in August of 2010 in a mere two days. I had one more carpet cleaning appointment in Acmeville, NH, in 90 degree weather, and I was ready to call it quits. As usual, I got lost. I needed to turn around and reorient myself towards the proper direction of my appointment. The only place to initiate my three-point turn happened to be in the parking-lot of the Acmeville Fire Department. I pulled up along the right side of the road and began backing up into the FD's small parking lot. Unbeknownst to me, there were two men in one of the fire trucks that started to pull forwards out of the garage at the same moment that I was backing up. Not having expected such a monstrous vehicle to be in the act of moving towards me, I continued backing up as any reasonable person would. In a split second, I was alarmed by the sirens, and immediately slammed on the brakes. It was too late. I had just caused over $1,500 worth of damage to my vehicle and the fire truck. I heard nothing about this situation until January of 2012, when I found out that the incident was going to be put in the books and affect my insurance record for the next three years- not three years from when the incident occurred, but three years from when claim was finally processed... two weeks ago.

In all honesty, I cannot see why I should get pinned with three years of increased insurance premiums and a blemish on a previously unstained motor vehicle record; if anything, it should have been a no-fault situation. When I listened on the phone as my mom relayed the details of this transaction, I began to get very angry. This is not the kind of angry that I get when my brother leaves the door open to my room. This is an abiding, resentful, and bitter cloud of anger that settled on me in a very peculiar way that afternoon. In my recollection, I had never been unjustly treated in this magnitude. I knew that it was highly unlikely for anyone to enter a skirmish with a branch of public service and win. But such a thing had never happened to me.

After these swirling emotions had their full effect on my spirit, transforming me into a brooding and unpleasant soul, I was startlingly made aware of the concept of forgiveness. It was a strange thought, that in my heart I was actually withholding forgiveness from those who had (in my mind) acted unjustly to the detriment of my record. I've heard it said that the only true antidote to the bitterness and the anger we experience because we've suffered injustice is forgiveness.

This is great. Not only have I identified the problem (anger because of injustice) and also identified the solution (forgiveness), all I need to do is to actually forgive these people I have never met. The only problem is that forgiving does not mitigate in any way the injustice that has been thrust upon me. I will still have a soiled driving record and raised insurance premiums for the next three years. Steve Brown said it best:

Forgiveness always costs someone something. We have this spurious idea that forgiveness is simply saying, "I forgive you" and then going on with out lives. It doesn't work that way. For instance, if I steal form you and you forgive me, it will cost you whatever I stole. If you hit me and I forgive you, it's going to cost me the pain of your blow. If I gossip about you and hurt your reputation and you forgive me, it may still cost you your reputation. If you have been abused and you forgive your abuser, it will still cost you the emotional damage that abuse brings.

Forgiveness is not just hard, it's impossible. Completely letting go of anger, bitterness, and resentment is certainly an emotional yet truly spiritual impossibility. "Why is forgiveness utterly impossible?" one might ask. Here's why: apart from the life-raising, soul-cleansing, and completely-undeserved mercy and grace administered to all who put their faith in Jesus as their only hope for salvation, there is no other standard or reality of forgiveness to which one can appeal to fully satisfy the need for justice in an unjust situation.

If I had not been and am not being forgiven by the wrath-satisfying death of Jesus as an act of mediation between my despicable state and the perfection of the Almighty God (1 Corinthians 15:1-2), I would, in my own mind, still have grounds on which I could still hold grudges and not completely let go of such small afflictions, viz. an unmerited parking citation. Like I said, I understand that the experience that I have described is nothing compared to the difficulty and travail of many more that have been mocked, cursed, abused, molested, even tortured, but the fact remains: if your soul has been saved from the pit of hell, everlasting torment, and separation from He who holds all things together, and the One God and Creator deals with you as a Father deals with His child, there is no more heinous wrong that has been righted excepting the infinite gap between you and The Holy God that has been reduced to nothing so that you might enter into eternal life and relationship with Him. I am now free to forgive anyone anything, because I realize that there is no greater act of forgiveness than that which has been and is being ministered to me be my Savior through His work on my behalf.

Keeping in mind that amazing love with which He loves us, it is now possible to forgive those who has abused, misused, and mistreated us. We've been forgiven an infinite debt- what else is there to forgive? All that we need we have in the obedience of Christ in my stead. Forgiveness, previously impossible because of our hard and vindictive hearts, is now made possible because we have access to infinite forgiveness; this is something into which the angels long to look.

He Alone Is Our Hope.

.DSN.

Cleaning Shadows

I've been an IICRC certified carpet cleaning technician for seven years. I make my living by looking at rugs and carpets from houses and businesses and doing my best to present them as new and as fresh as possible.

This process of cleansing may seem straight forward: 1) Inspect affected area, 2) Pre-treat affected area, 3) Steam-rinse affected area, and 4) Leave affected area as dry as possible. However, there are a few complications that may hinder the smoothness and efficiency of this process. Of the most aggravating, the issue of shadows leads to some of the most frustration for any carpet cleaning professional on the job.

I was recently cleaning a showroom for bathroom and kitchen sets with my brother by the light of a select few lamps and recessed lights. Because of the set up, displays were artistically situated all over this floorspace; it was my responsibility to weave in, through, and around said displays and clean the carpet on which they all stood.

This job took far longer than I thought it should. Why? Because the presence of so many chairs, counters, and cabinets provided a plethora of obstacles in the path of my limited light sources. As I did my best to move uniformly over the carpet, I found myself spending inordinate amounts of time on obscure parts that don't get that much traffic wear at all. I even re-pretreated a few of those spots in an attempt to extricate that obstinate dirt from the carpet to which it so tightly held. But alas, it was an effort of no avail.

So here, Matt Chandler's yapping away at me through my iPod and my self-confidence in my skill as a carpet cleaning professional are dwindling away to oblivion. I really was having a hard time with how my attempts ended so horribly and utterly unsuccessful.

Then it hit me. This wasn't dirt I was trying to clean.

The spots I was so desperately trying to clean were mere shadows.

It all made so much sense.

When I finally realized how much time I had wasted, God flipped a switch in my mind to a transcending spiritual reality of which my situation so clearly pictured: when we try to clean up our lives or other people's lives by addressing a lack of some arbitrary spiritual fruit, all we are doing is wasting time cleaning shadows.

Take for example teenager "x"; in this case, we'll call teenager "x" "Pat". Pat exhibits patterns of disrespect, irritability, and unhealthy self-consciousness. Pat may feel the need to gain approval from other guys or girls to affirm in Pat's mind that Pat is valuable. One could observe Pat's life and say something similar to this, "We must diagnose Pat's problems. Pat listens to ungodly secular music, so we must remove that influence from Pat's life. Pat watches ungodly secular movies and TV shows, so we must remove those influences from Pat's life. Pat wears clothes that are immodest and spends time with ungodly friends, so we must replace Pat's clothes with more Christian ones and expose Pat to good Christian friends. Once we have accomplished those things, Pat's life problems will inevitably change, and we will have served Pat by allowing Pat to move on with Pat's life."

I have heard many of these same things from the mouths of "strong Christians" that supposedly understand the Gospel and the things with which God is most concerned.

What is so funny to me is that the solution above that I have laid out seems to be doing exactly what I was doing in the showroom- it is an approach that merely cleans the shadows. In this and every situation in which sin is present (always, maybe?), the question must be asked, "Why is it that Pat wants to do all these sinful things?" EVERY SINGLE TIME the answer will be some variation of a misunderstanding or disbelief in who God is, how He works, or the implications of what He did on the cross.

A heart that is disrespectful or easily angered or insecure is a heart that does not love and treasure Jesus above all things (belief in the Gospel). Will removing some sort of external trapping to which a sinful heart is inclined make any difference in addressing the problem of a lack of total love for Jesus? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! All this kind of whack-a-mole approach does is attempt to clean shadows when the real issue is that there are tables, chairs, and countertops in the way of the light. THOSE are the things that must be moved before any kind of real, lasting progress can be made.

Here's one last story:
One beautiful summer evening at an ice cream stand with some friends, one particular individual was brought up in conversation as this individual was a mutual acquaintance of me and someone also at the ice cream stand. The conversation didn't last long, but I vividly remember my conversation-buddy saying the words with a clear tone of disgust, "[Person 'x'] is a bad kid."

I am confident that those five words will never leave my mind; it was the first time that God opened my eyes to make me aware of the false dichotomy between "good kids" and "bad kids." It may seem clear that some kids are just better than others, right?

Jesus seemed to disagree- read the parable of the prodigal son and his legalistic brother... To say that any one person is somehow "better" or "worse" than another is to be operating from the attitude that once we work hard at cleaning the shadows, we will effectively stand more uprightly.

My heart was and is truly saddened to think that my friend believes that external behaviors determine the goodness of a person, when it is the reality of whether or not someone embraces for dear life the cleansing presence of our God that is most important. There is no such thing as a "good kid" or a "bad kid". There are only such things as "bad kids"- the question is whether or not God has placed the righteousness of Jesus on them for all eternity (Romans 5:18-19).

Trying to make someone (or yourself) commit fewer bad things will have the same ultimate effect as me trying to clean shadows in a hole-in-the-wall showroom in some town in New Hampshire. Will it work at all? Nuh-uh. Not one bit.

.DSN.