We all know flirts. Flirts have a certain distinctive stereotype; and unfortunately for them, it isn't positive. When I was in high school, I had little respect but a twisted admiration for one football player in particular who would always hang out with the most attractive girls at school, seeming to always have the cutest and popular one on his arm all the time. Thankfully, being a few years removed from that insanity, God has given a little more perspective so that I now no longer envy this guy; I see his ability to “get girls” is just a manifestation of his own insecurity. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Flirting can also manifest itself discreetly. When Person "X" (who I will refer to as "Pat") is aware of the dangers that false affection brings but still wants the attention and heightened self-esteem that flirting promises, "Pat" will make subtle and abnormally kind advances to evoke these warmly uncommitted feelings in an attempt to satisfy that desire. In many Christian circles, this form of flirting is more common and harder to spot. Having grown up in mainstream Christian culture and thusly kissing dating goodbye, I am aware that the popular teaching forbids casually romantic relationships. To circumvent this stipulation, Christian flirting often takes the turn of a tactful and covert operation by avoiding the superficial compliments and engaging on a deeper/more emotional or even spiritual level, but still, covert flirting is just as deceptive and hurtful.
The Oxford American Dictionary defines "flirting" in the following way: to behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions.
Flirtation can take a few different forms. It may take the form of the too-interested guy or girl who gives a lot of superficial compliments and is just a little too touchy; this person may also make winsome and light-hearted jokes at the expense of the flirtee. While this kind of playful fun-making could be perceived as harmless, there is no intention for a meaningful relationship, and therefore these actions will inevitably lead to confusion and hurt for at least one of the parties involved. Overt flirting is a manifestation of insecurity, in that the flirter is attempting to lure the flirtee into letting down his or her emotional defenses and reciprocating similarly false affirmation.
Flirting can also manifest itself discreetly. When Person "X" (who I will refer to as "Pat") is aware of the dangers that false affection brings but still wants the attention and heightened self-esteem that flirting promises, "Pat" will make subtle and abnormally kind advances to evoke these warmly uncommitted feelings in an attempt to satisfy that desire. In many Christian circles, this form of flirting is more common and harder to spot. Having grown up in mainstream Christian culture and thusly kissing dating goodbye, I am aware that the popular teaching forbids casually romantic relationships. To circumvent this stipulation, Christian flirting often takes the turn of a tactful and covert operation by avoiding the superficial compliments and engaging on a deeper/more emotional or even spiritual level, but still, covert flirting is just as deceptive and hurtful.
So here's the problem: Flirting/false displays of affection does two things: 1) It lies to the one who is being flirted with by giving them an impression of interest that, while possibly present, will not be followed up on in any responsible way. This attitude is dishonest and disrespectful towards others; nobody who is flirted with and left out to dry comes away from the experience saying, "I'm glad that just happened to me." 2) The second but fundamental aspect of flirting reveals a heart that is looking for something other than Jesus to make it happy. It is so hard not to flirt with someone of whom you are desirous of his or her affection and approval, and the reason for this is because our hearts are wicked and sinful. It's too easy to look for the quick fix. For those who are good at flirting and are thereby skilled at getting his or her desired response (getting that girl or having that guy) unfortunately means that it takes less work for them to be satisfied with that which is other than Jesus.
What is interesting to me is that the healthiest relationships I have observed (ones that lead to and continue in marriage) are not make-me-feel-good relationships. There is a seriousness that is unique to two people who genuinely love each other for who they are not what they provide. With that mutual love and self-sacrifice comes real joy; the typical high-school love story that says "I think you're cute and you think I'm cute... let's date" has been long forgotten.
An insatiable desire for attention from the opposite gender cannot be cured when you find "the one." The reason for this is because a heart that participates in deceptive, flirtatious behavior is a heart that believes that it needs more than what has already been provided through Christ's perfect life, death, and resurrection on our behalf. This is not merely a situational problem, it’s a heart sickness problem... as always.
If we understood the glorious truth of having everything provided for us in Christ and funneled every single decision through it, we would not see the need to flirt for fun. We would seek other's interests above our own and hold the emotional and spiritual lives of our brothers and sisters in a far higher regard.
Without Him, no part of this solution is remotely possible.
He is our hope.
.DSN.
Yet again God in His grace has given you wisdom to navigate your path while you keep trusting Him to provide someone to marry at the right time. You have a manly attitude. Your wife to be would be happy to read this.
ReplyDeleteLove you man,
Dad