Bugs and Holiness

My living space here in Minneapolis is really “nice” (in the most Minnesotan sense of the word). I’m living on the third floor of of a house owned by a great family, and the quietness of the surrounding scenery affords a fantastic environment for the accomplishing of homework. I have a small kitchen, a sitting area, full bathroom, and a sizeable bedroom. The carpet is very comfortable, and I even have my own heating/cooling zone. I have everything I need, and for the most part, I have everything I could want.

There’s one problem.

I found a bug.

Bugs are gross.

I hate them. They are nasty and terribly unattractive. Words like “coarse", “vulgar", “repulsive", “abhorrent", “sickening", or “nauseating" are apropos, but quite honestly I’m scared of them.

I was slightly overcome with emotion when I saw this, disgusting brute. While created by our Sovereign God, I may be of the opinion that this kind of thing was not present before the Fall, but I refuse to go there right now.

To continue this riveting narrative, I picked up one of my sandals and slammed the ground fairly forcefully. He remained alive. His spindly legs assertively kicked at the air, making me even more uneasy. I vigorously slammed the ground four or five more times, finally incapacitating him enough to where he lay still, writhing ever so calmly. I was still so sickened by what lay before my eyes that I used a mass of toilet paper to act as a mediatory substance between my hand and the bug. I took one side of his body with the sandal and the other side with the toilet paper, and after multiple fails, I was finally able to flush him down the toilet.

Still shaking, I realized how truly repulsed by these creatures. I am so overcome with hatred at the sight of one little bug that I will go to extensive lengths in order to dispose of the thing without actually touching its body (ridiculous, I know).

The parallel that God impressed upon my heart was the similarity between my hatred for these bugs and His hatred for sin. Psalm 4:4 speaks to this- “For you are not a God who delights in wickedness; evil may not dwell with you.” Also in Proverbs, Solomon warns his son against things that are an ABomination to God: “Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.”

Here are a few synonyms for “abomination”: “atrocity, disgrace, horror, obscenity, and outrage.” God is not annoyed by sin. He despises it.

At this point, I've been convicted. While I am willing to potentially alter my entire evening because of a bug, I won’t steer clear of certain TV shows. I won’t go out of my way to avoid certain topics of conversation. I won’t concern myself too seriously with loving fellow man to the detriment of my personal comfort. (This next one really cuts deeply) All too often, I don’t guard myself against flirting or unthoughtfulness/selfishness in the area of my interactions with sisters in the faith. Ouch.

The bottom line is, I don’t take sin seriously enough.

I'm won't say that once I stop sinning and develop a hatred for all sin will I become more sanctified. If my goal is to merely sin less and distance myself from those that sin more, I've become no better than a Pharisee and I will literally lead people to hell (Matthew 23:15). However, a heart that truly loves God will hate sin. The closer we get to Jesus and the clearer we see His face, the more blurred and unattractive the pulls and desires of this world will become. God has pulled back a few layers of my heart in the last few days (especially today), and is in the process of showing me my callous nature that has turned a blind eye to many sinful attitudes that do not characterize the life of God-lovers.

The problem isn’t that I’m just sinning too much- that’s not what I mean at all! The real problem is that in the moments of pride, anger, or self-indulgence, I don’t love God more than I love sin. When I make selfish decisions, I'm only bringing to fruition the picture that I have of God in my head that isn’t big enough to overshadow my fleshly desire to sin more.

The more quickly and consistently that I lift my eyes to the hills to see Him from whom my help comes, the more that the fleeting pleasures of this world will grow so dim, insignificant, and worthless to me. That’s sanctification. Life is about seeing God more clearly in light of how hotly perfect He truly is, and seeing ourselves more clearly in light of how pitiful we really are.

God is so good to reveal any of these things to us. He could let us sit here on earth, live a meaningless life, and justifiably send us to hell. But He didn’t. He saved me. That’s why I love Him.

Sin is a bug. And I hate bugs. I want to hate sin. Too often I don't.

God is my only hope.

Deus Spes Nostra