Maturing into Manhood 2.0 - Treasuring Singleness

I don’t have roommates. I would not unhesitatingly recommend it to everyone, but so far, God has given me abundant and specific grace to avoid certain sin patterns that without Him, I would so easily fall. Because of this period of extended social silence, I have been compelled to ask Him to bring certain attitudes and behaviors to the surface that I may be too busy to see otherwise. One of those things is personal discipline; through some mentoring, the patriarch of the family with which I live has been able to give me some helpful suggestions to become more self-controlled in basic life functions, such as eating, sleeping, and spiritual discipline.

As I have enjoyed getting up with enough time to prepare for the day without flying by the seat of my pants, I have been working through the book of 1 Corinthians at a slower, more deliberate pace. Through this study, God hit me with a ton of metaphysical bricks when I read chapter 7, verses 25-35. Paul is admonishing his brothers and sisters concerning marriage. Here are some excerpts.

“…I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy…Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife…Those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that…[Let] those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away. I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife.”

If I could rank the top three most dismissed Scripture passages in the world today, this would either win or come in close second. I, and I assume many others, have read this passage and dismissed it based on Paul’s admission that it is his personal wisdom (v25), or simply dismissed it because it’s ridiculous and seems really dumb.

God used this ice pick passage to smash me in the face. In nowise can I say that I am “anxious for the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.” If anything, I focus more of my time and energy looking for potential relationships than caring about how to please the Lord (there is no possible way you haven’t done the same thing. I know. Trust me). Paul assumes that single people are anxious for the things of the Lord and that we as “singles” use our singleness to serve and give to others in ways that married couples cannot.

This is my conviction concerning the single people out there, namely the men. We are wasting our lives. It is rare to find a young Christian single person that cares little for this world and intensely loves doing the Lord’s work and serving the body in ways that only single people can. The prevailing attitude that I observe, starting with personal introspection, is that single people everywhere so badly want the approval of the opposite sex that we will more often than not go to ridiculous ends to get that approval. Even if we do get what we “want”, it is not the securing of our relationship with Jesus, so there is always more to be had, continuing down the endless cycle of months, even years of wasted time trying to medicate the pain that only Jesus can heal.

I say all of that to say this: as single people, we need to press hard for the things of the Lord. Again, trying to “become more godly” is only a self-centered, self-defeating goal (again, great blog fodder). What has helped me in the last week has been the seeing of my inadequacy as a single person who is not anxious for the Lord’s work, and laying that inadequacy at the feet of Jesus.

Men: We must change the culture. We absolutely cannot continue to approach every relationship with young ladies as opportunities for a potential mates. It is of the highest importance that we see each and every young woman as someone to whom we need to minister the Gospel. Will this relationships look different than our relationships with other men? Absolutely. But the approach that I am putting forth is a far cry from the average guy/girl interaction. You may respond, “Dave, you are ridiculous for saying that every time we see a girl we need to impart spiritual wisdom or something to them. Nobody likes that, and where’s the harm in having fun?” To that I would mostly agree. Ministering the Gospel does not mean a thorough exposition on 1 Corinthians 15 every time people hang out, but understanding that everyone needs the Gospel means that nobody, in an ultimate sense, either needs affirmation from others or should be looked to for the purpose receiving affirmation/completion/fulfillment. Girls and guys should honestly be able to spend time together playing music, sports, talking about intellectual stuff, or even shooting the breeze. I’m concerned with the motivation. Are we doing all that fun stuff because we are either looking for attention/a girlfriend/wife? Or are we having fun because we are enjoying the bond we have in Christ and have that kind of security that is not available outside the church?

In the end, we need to treasure singleness. There are so many opportunities that we as singles have that married couples don’t have, because their primary goal (or should be, anyways) to work on their relationship. To quote a good newlywed friend of mine, “When you get married, you lose a good part of your free time.” This is my point. The free time that we as single people have should not be squandered watching worthless wastes of time on the computer/TV or spending inordinate amounts of time doing positive things like working out for two hours a day. I strongly suggest that if you are single or even in a dating relationship where marriage is not right around the corner (and even if it is), seek God about this. Ask Him to put things into your life to help you selflessly help others and grow in ways that you may not have as much time to work for in the pursuit of marriage.

I will most likely follow this up again with another post, but this is all I got for now.

ALWAYS remember that God Alone is Our Hope! Nobody else can give you any lasting feeling of hope/joy/fulfillment/satisfaction whatsoever!

Deus Spes Nostra