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Jesus is greater than everything.

Monday, November 28, 2011

A Christmas Story (One of the many, I’m sure)

Christmastime is here. Happiness and cheer.

But really, it’s here already. We say it every year, and it never becomes less true: “Is it that time of year again?”

But enough with the pleasantries and down to business. I was sitting in church last night, and something really weird happened. I was right in the front after, incidentally, having playing in one of the most beautiful worship sets I’ve contributed to in a long time, listening to a fantastic message for the first Advent Service which carried the theme of Hope. Pastor Sam talked about what Hope is, what it isn’t, what it does, and what it looks like when Hope is gone, among other things. Click Here. (I really suggest you listen to it!) I was on the front of the left side pews which surround the stage, which gave me a clear view of both the middle and the left side aisles. About halfway through the message, I saw a girl who looked about 9 years old walk down the left aisle towards the stage, looking through every pew. Huh. She was just probably looking for her parents. She got to the front row and then turned around and skipped back towards the door. Considering my extraordinary sense of direction, I remember doing that many times as a child much older than 9. I’m sure she’ll find them. I looked back up to the stage, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw that she was coming back doing the same thing. Really strange. This time I was intrigued. Not only was I wondering who she was looking for, but would she actually find them? A third time she did the same thing! I would have been scared and then tried to play it off all cool and go to the bathroom and wait until the end of the message or something, but she didn’t do that at all. What was strange was that it didn’t seem to bother her in the least that she could not find what she was looking for. She seemed to have a strange sense of hope...

As this situation has progressed, I am wondering if I should try to help her, if I should ask if she’s ok, or just do something to help her find who she needed. Realizing that she probably was going to be ok, I stayed firmly planted in my seat, but was still riveted on her strangely joyous search for her lost parents. Having traversed the left aisle many times now and even having entered a few of them to get a better look, she walked to the middle aisle, and during the message, continuing the same kind of thing: walk up and down, and peer into each pew for confirmation that her parents either are or are not there. Finally, she turned around towards the right-middle set of pews. Immediately, she saw who she was looking for: a girl in her 20s that must have been watching her for the day. They might have hugged or something, but having watch this mini-story unfold before my eyes, I didn't notice any more details as I felt so blessed to be where I was, worshipping with the people of God, sharing in the Hope of Jesus.

How appropriate. This little girl exhibited exactly the kind of hope that the faithful Israelites had in anticipation for the Messiah- the very hope that Pastor Sam was talking about! When all Hope seemed lost and despair was immanent, she stayed her mind on the object of her search. As I found out through the message, the absence of hope will inevitably lead to despair. This girl did not despair! She had hope that she would find the person for whom she was earnestly looking, and just like at Christmas for those in anxious anticipation, she found her guardian!

Now we clearly can’t feel the agony of not having a Messiah. We have him, and just like we celebrated last week (or at least were supposed to), we are thankful for the reality that the Gospel is here and alive. Thankfulness looks back, but Hope looks forward! We must look forward to what is to come, because this world is passing away! There is no power here, Gandalf the Grey! (I had to, I'm sorry (and "Grey" is the British spelling because those actors are British... ok I'm done))

If that little girl looked forward to the event of finding her immediate treasure, we should all the more eagerly await the coming of Jesus!

When depressed, dry, broken, or struggling, Hope says, “He isn’t done. He’s coming back to make all things new.”

God is our Hope.

.DSN.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Thanksgiving

I wish I were more sensitive. When it comes to times that I need to man up, I very literally travel back in time and become a baby. However, when it’s time for me to have an empathetic and caring heart, I become selfish and cold. Nice.

Having established that previous fact, I can honestly say that I have no idea where the inspiration for this post comes from. I realize that God is the only one who should receive thanks, for from Him, to Him, and through Him. Therefore, He is the only one who deserves any ultimate glory. In the meantime, God works through broken vessels.

It’s Thanksgiving week, and I’m not going home. I have really mixed feelings about that. I’m glad to be here in the Frozen North, but I really love my family. I’ve talked to both my dad and my mom more in the last two weeks than probably most of this semester. Major blessing. I feel like God is pouring a kind of thankfulness that only He can give on my spirit right now, and because I can’t share it with anyone at home in an immediate way, I want to do it here.

Here’s the Biblical justification for the next few hundred words :)

"I rejoice at the coming of Stephanas and Fortunatus and Achaicus, because they have made up for your absence, for they refreshed my spirit as well as yours. Give recognition to such people."
(1 Corinthians 16:17-18 ESV)

I will probably forget very important people to me, but these are the people that God has put on my heart to thank personally for serving me in the last year, so if I didn’t include you, I’m sorry!

Thank you Mr. Smith for being my pastor. I see evidences of grace in your life as I was often late to our meetings and also made such preposterous statements that you just went with and even humored such superfluity at times. It also means a lot to me that you have been so willing to take time to respond to emails and blog posts and things that I realize you don’t have a ton of time for otherwise. Thank you.

Thank you Scott for being a mentor to me and listening to me ask questions that are literally impossible to answer, but doing your best to think through things with me to the best that you can. Thank you.

Thank you Jeff and Widdy for being really gracious host parents to me over the last few months. You both have been so patient and gracious with me as I mess up laundry, miss appointments, lose keys, etc. I am so grateful to God that I am here now learning from and living with you. I love doing things with your boys and I am really looking forward to the things that God has in store in the next few months. So far nothing has been really easy, but He’s been really good and having your house as God’s base of operation in my life has been a divine blessing. Thank you.

Thank you Dale for easily being my best friend pretty much all of 2nd semester freshman year. You know all the stuff I was dealing with and you cared enough about me seeing Jesus for as supremely satisfying over all things. In doing so, I believe that God used your love for me in the process in saving my soul. I love you so much bro. Thank you.

Thank you Kevin for not avoiding the uncomfortable and spending inordinate amounts of time with me, teaching me how to study the Word and spending that time in the basement working on reading the Bible like I actually believe what it’s saying. Thank you.

Thank you Ryan G. for listening to me interrupt, ask inane questions (whose answer was found in thinking about the question for about 5 more seconds), and give counsel that was just hard counsel. I think back to that conversation in your SUV sitting in the loading bay for Hope Academy having one of the more sobering conversations anyone has had with me in a long time. God used that conversation to change my life. Thank you.

Thanks Amanda G. for chillen and hanging out that day before I left for school this summer. It’s sweet to hit it off right away with people and not have to work a ton at the friendship for it happen. Thank you.

Thank you Dan Stanley for being there for me- forcing me to make that phone call, and being by my side when I was laying in the hospital bed doing my best to subvert the authority of those who instructed me to lay still. Easily two of the most traumatic experiences of the semester. I’m glad we finally became friends. I really respect you, and I’m glad that you have pushed me to do the uncomfortable for the sake of becoming a Man of character and integrity. Thank you.

Thank you Mark for being a friend to me even when the extent of our relationship consisted of you picking me up and dropping me off at different places. I’m glad we have a more amicable relationship now where we actually hang out now and do more things that friends do together. Also, thank you for letting me go on and on bout my problems and I just need to talk. You always listen. Thank you.

Thank you Kyle for being my intellectual sparring partner for the last 6 months. More than that however, I have learned more in my relationship with you in regards to the importance of “Reformed” theology as relates to the importance of Gospel-centrality. I love our talks (and disagreements) about how we se Biblical truth, but more so, I love the moments of total one-mindedness around the undying power of the Gospel and its importance in everything. I praise God that He has taught me so much through you. Thank you.

Thank you Savannah for being the friend I wish I always had! You consistently read my blog posts and respond to my really stupid tweets and text messages. I have no idea why. What will happen is I will tweet or text you something and I’ll think to myself, “I can’t believe that I just sent something again to her that should be disregarded as completely meaningless and really dumb.” But, of course, you’ll either humor my insanity, or say something that makes me thankful for people that see things more clearly than I do. Thank you!

Thank you Dan Soukup for listening to me babble on about nothing at all. It has probably been days that I have talked about frivolous foolishness, and you have actually laughed. Wow. Thank you also for listening to the actual stuff that is going on in my life and genuinely seeming to care. Whether you do or not, I have no idea (but I know you do though). It is for that that I am so grateful. I see such a spirit of patience and servant-heartedness in you that I want to emulate. I also love that when I get all hortative you and your cool mind objectively process what I have said and will frequently say things like (not specifically), "David, that was dumb. Don't say that again." If I didn't have men like you in my life, just think about the heresy I would spurt! (Gross mental picture, I know). Thank you, sir.

Thank you Dave for being in many ways the big brother I never had. Particularly in high school, but now as I think for myself, I enjoy the depths of some of our conversations, the vapidity of many jocular conversations, and the mind-stretching quality of many of our disagreements. God has used you and your life and influence to bring things about in my life that wouldn't have otherwise been made known to me. Thank you.

Thank you Paul for being one of the best listeners I've ever met. I leave nearly every conversation thinking to myself, "This guy really seems to care about me." I can never understand why, except for the fact that you are a godly and grace-filled man who puts himself last for the sake of serving others. I love hanging out and learning from your example. Thank you.

Thank you Shelly for being the big sister I never had. I’m seriously so thankful that we met when we did. I can definitely say that from the beginning our friendship has been just a little different. I can also say with a clear conscious and an honest heart that your example has taught me more about life in the last 12 months than anyone else I know. I realize that I am prone to exaggeration, but I mean that honestly. I really respect you and I respect the way that you have responded to God’s call in your life which has played itself out in very tough situations. Also, I am SO glad you’re getting married! I can’t wait to have honorary nephews and nieces running around soon! Thank you for being you :)

Thank you Joey for being my man this summer. When I needed someone to lift me up, you were there and I love you for that. It’s taken about 15 years to get to this point, but that’s ok with me. Through you, God has brought different things in my life to show me how much I need to depend on the Gospel because if I tried to depend on who I think I am, I am in serious trouble. Thanks bro.

Thank you Ryan T. for letting me lead worship with you when it has worked out. Aside from the actual worship-leading technical stuff I learn from you, I am really thankful that God is revealing Himself to you and affecting your life in a way that spills out to others. Thank you for coaching my voice; not only do I learn the things that you teach me, but I learn from the way that you teach. I am thankful for your graciousness and willingness to move as the Spirit leads. Last but not least, thank you for letting me join your small group. I’m looking forward to it so much! Thank you.

Lastly but certainly not least, tha fam.

Thank you Philip and Matthew for being so patient and gracious with me all these years. After visiting home a few weeks ago, I realized how much I really do love just chilling out and singing or just laying on the couch making jokes with yous. I’m really glad to see that you are both growing up and not letting me push you around so much anymore. Being the 3rd tallest in the family is such a fun challenge. You would probably never know what that’s like though…

Thank you Mom for many things. One of those things is signing me up for cello lessons, driving me all over tarnation for a good teacher, buying me a cello, and paying for me to fly with it across the country. Especially as I've been writing and recording more music, I've been increasingly thankful for the ability to play cello, however advanced or not advanced it is. Not that they were all bad years, but there were certainly a few seasons of less-than-optimal times; but you stuck with it, and one of the fruits of your patience is the fact that I simply love my instrument.
On a more clearly eternal note, thank you for being one of the clearer pictures of Jesus in my life as far as balancing your convictions of truth with patience and grace in your dealing with other people. I’ve been thankful to be much more connected to things that have been going on this semester by having the opportunity to talk more and listen to the things that all y’all are dealing with and working through. When I see the conflict and the lack of resolution, I thank God that He has given me such godly parents. Thank you for your example, I love you guys.

Thank you Dad for being my best friend through the “ups and downs” of these discerning times. I’m so glad to have parents that are totally sold out for Jesus and are doing whatever they possibly can to further His kingdom through living an affected life and proclamation of the wondrous power of the Gospel. I see that in a big picture way over the last 8 or so months, God has changed specifically your heart to be even more gracious and humble regarding the things that go on in life and whatnot. Even though things haven’t been terribly easy at times, I would love to do the things and be a part of the things that your (sic) doing now and I would similarly love to have the grace that God is pouring into your life. Thank you for being a man that I can imitate in the ways that you imitate Christ. Thank you.

.DSN.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Reflection on Corporate Worship (through Music)

Here is a reflection paper I just wrote for school in response to a Seminar put on at Bethlehem Baptist Church on November 11th and 12th. I submitted it to my instructor, so please forgive the slightly different writing style :) I would LOVE to talk about these things with anyone who is also thinking about these issues! Please let me know how God is working in your heart!

---

The seminar put on by Bob Kauflin and John Piper concerning a theology and somewhat of a methodology of worship called “Gravity and Gladness” (from 2 Corinthians 6:10) was thought-provoking and perspective-changing. During the lecture part of the seminar, Pastor John expounded from the Scriptures concerning reasons why God needs worship, and why a robust theology of worship is not a dry subject that should be studied exclusively by pastors and seminarians. He went through many of the typical "John Piper" passages, outlining the truth that God acts for the purpose of self-glorification whenever He accomplishes anything. Such a doxological approach is helpful, but nothing in particular stood out to me as anything that was specifically memorable as far as giving me something new by way of a challenge in my constant masticating of the orthodoxy (why) and praxeology (how) of proper worship. However, the Q&A session combined with the question I asked Bob Kauflin afterwards provided help and enlightenment towards that end.

During the Q&A, Bob Kauflin addressed many practical problems that music directors may encounter in the life and span of their ministry. Because we were at Bethlehem Baptist Church, both Piper and Kauflin seemed to emphasize the "Gravity" part of worship rather than the "Gladness" part, as per the cultural emphasis in this particular body of believers. They discussed how to be a music pastor that wants to engender a culture of worship that carries a weightiness in the context of a preaching pastor that doesn't take anything seriously and makes jokes in between songs, subverting the spirit of "Gravity" that the music pastor is attempting to facilitate.

It was good that they addressed the issue, but that issue particularly wasn't helpful for me because of my personal background. I have been a part of churches where neither the preaching pastor nor the congregation seem to much of an idea about gladness, passion, or joy, but are stuck in a mindset that flows from a heart of unhealthy "Gravity" and a lack of any real enjoyment in God in response to the Gospel. This is the problem that I want to combat especially because I feel called to ministry in the spiritual wasteland of New England, and I may possibly come on staff somewhere in the capacity of some sort of pastor- this is an issue with which I want to know how to deal.

Because of that, I approached Bob after the Q&A and asked him what one should do in that situation. His advice was incredibly insightful; he said that it is not helpful or loving to approach such a pastor or pastoral team while harboring an attitude that attempts to fix every perceived problem. Kauflin communicated that as a rule, humility is the key to any of these kinds of interactions. First, the worship leader should do his best to learn everything he can from the preaching pastor; while the preaching pastor may truly have a lack of joy in the Lord, he may see other things clearly and it is essential to recognize where his thoughts are helpful rather than dismissing everything he has to say. Having a right spirit of loving humility, an approach that seeks to dialogue rather than question is the only way that one should think about such a dialogue. Nobody responds well to his or her modus operandi being arrogantly questioned, especially by a regarded inferior. As a whole, a culture must be developed where suggestions can be made without someone feeling attacked and others feeling as though they have come to fix all the problems in the church.

The issue that Piper and Kauflin answered in the Q&A was concerning the issue of how to integrate new and youthful worship styles in with those of the older generation. Because Bob has particular sway among many younger worship leaders, he said from the get-go that it is imperative to never think that someone can walk into a church and again, think that he or she can solve all the of the church's problems. Older people must be respected- not only because they are older, but because they actually are smarter than young people in many, many areas.

However, while this is very true, the energy and the passion that usually accompanies the youthful generation is also crucially important in the constant flux of reviving "retro" styles and incorporating new ones. Because Scripture never prescribes specifics in praxeology, change is a part of Church life that is needed to sustain the ebb and flow of culture and multi-generations. For this reason instituting new methods of operation is crucial to the growth and general life of the church. However, in a moment of cogency, Bob reaffirmed that as he grew in years, he began to realize why his predecessors did certain things the way that they did. What didn't make sense to him when he was younger made sense to him after years of experience, because they actually worked. He emphasized the point that there are things that older people do that are forged through the fires of adversity and conflict and should be learned from as such.

The bottom line to both of these addressed issues is humility, humility, humility. Whenever approaching any difference of method or even practical theology, it is essential to remember that we worship God who is One, His ways are higher than our ways, and we often know way less than we think we know. Then good things might begin to happen.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

What do you love?

I love my guitar. To reference Brad Paisley, one's guitar will always be there for him in the best and the worst times. After hearing him make that statement, I dismissed it as some cute thing that a popular musician would say, but I didn't realize how true it is. I pictured selling my guitar or giving it away, and I'm sure there would be a part of me that would actually miss it though it's really not that nice at all. I love it so much because, especially as of late, my guitar (or music in general) has been one of the things that I most readily turn to when life gets hard.

I never thought that I would hear myself say this, but I think I have a deep emotional connection with an inanimate object.

Before I get too weird, here is why I bring that up: do I have a deep emotional connection to my personal copy of the Word of God? Have I used it enough to warrant such a relationship? Granted, I haven't had my current Bible nearly as long as I've had my guitar; but still, where do I go in the times of the most pain, anger, disappointment, bitterness, and all other intensely negative emotions? I would like to say that I go to the Bible. But quite honestly, the Bible isn't always the first place I run to when the walls of my security crumble around me.

Do you know what that means? I know what it DOESN'T mean- it doesn't mean that I need to buckle down and make sure I read the Bible more. It DOES mean that I have a hard, deceitful, and desperately wicked heart. It's SO DUMB to think that there is something else other than hearing the Voice of God that will somehow make my life better. That makes no sense at all. Satan is good at deceiving, and I'm good loving other things more than I love God.

I encourage you to look at the things in your life that you love the most, and actually be honest with yourself. Don't say, "This seems kind of spiritual, but without it I'd get really upset" and think that everything is ok. Ask God to show if His presence is found in the things that you love the most! If He's not, then we shouldn't put our time into those things!

I was just confronted today by someone that graciously shined the light of the Gospel in the deep recesses of my heart which wants to make ungodly justifications for satiating my emotions through means other than Jesus. It's really hard when we think we know what we want, and we really do love God (with a lot of our heart), but we know that there's just that one little bit that we don't want to give up.

Like my guitar, I want to have such a deep connection with Jesus that when the unhappy part of life happens, my default mode is to run to Him without thinking. Idealistic? Maybe.

All I can do is pray that Jesus changes mine and your heart to want Him more.

Psalm 34:9, "Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack!"

.DSN.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Meditations From A Broken Spirit

I have seen everything that is done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and a striving after wind – Ecclesiastes 1:14

I’m getting really sick and tired of this world. It seems like every time I invest time, money, energy, or anything that I have in something for the purpose of chasing which I perceive to be good apart from the love and grace of God, I undoubtedly will realize how much I have wasted in trying to accomplish that end.

For example, I went back home to New Hampshire this weekend, and it was incredible. I had a fantastic time catching up with old friends and leading God’s people in worship through music Friday and Saturday. After the festivities had run their course, I started to come to the realization that something was wrong. God was beginning to prick my heart deeply about how love a lot of things that are not God or the Gospel.

Coming to this realization has motivated me to go to the Psalms. I feel like there isn’t any one person that could give me the silver bullet to sort through all the conglomeration of mass that is my mind. While there are brothers that I trust with every detail of my life, I’m at the point where I realize that there comes a point when you can’t talk to anyone, except the only One that can actually do something about your problem. With counselors there is a multitude of safety, but with God there is a multitude of action.

That’s why I turned to the Psalms. David was a man who went through a lot worse stuff than I have and his prayers turned out to be breathed out by God Himself. Sure enough, they've easily been the most helpful.

One thought that kept smashing me over, and over, and over again was how little I actually believe the truth of the Gospel. Psalm 40:4 – “Blessed is the man who makes Yahweh his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie!” Especially in the last few weeks, I feel like I have been chasing lies all the time. Primarily the lie that says that I can find something that will somehow make me more peaceful and satisfied in something other than God. As God has been peeling back the layers of my heart through different circumstances and relationships, I see that by chasing this kind of pseudo-satisfaction, I'm only revealing the muck that is in my heart. I show that I don’t love God more than that thing with which I’m trying to replace Him.

For the first time, Psalm 34:8-10 shouted to me in a way that I’ve never heard before, though I've heard it my whole life: “Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack! The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.”

Did you see that?! Those that take refuge in Him lack no good thing! That means that when we actually seek God, not just pretend to be Christians but actually seek Him with our whole hearts, we will not lack any good thing! Not a single thing. There is nothing that is good for us that we will not have. All that we will have is all the good that we need.

I hope that is clear. When we actually taste the goodness of our God, we won’t want anything! When we see Jesus as better than everything, there is nothing that will seem even close to as valuable. That's why I believe Jesus can say that one must hate his mother and brothers. Compared to the unsurpassable love that we should have for God, our love for everything else may look like hatred to some.

Here’s the problem. Everyone is constantly battling unbelief of that radical truth. Especially me. I feel it today specifically. This weekend hasn’t created any problems, it has only exposed, yet again, more things that I take more seriously than God.

As it would follow, I read Psalm 36:5, and am torn to pieces. “Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heaven, your faithfulness to the clouds.” Now you could probably buy a book that will teach seven ways to effectively love God more, but that stuff doesn't help me. I read a verse like that, and I wonder, if God’s love for me is so incredibly infinite and uncontainable, why in the universe would I not love Him more than stupid pettiness that I run after all the time? I can’t understand it (Jeremiah 17:9).

I’m very convinced that after being wrecked by the infinitude of God’s love in comparison to our gross and nasty offerings to him (or things we hide from Him), the only thing that can assuage our guilt is time in deep communion with God that leads to a better understanding of the imputed perfection of Christ on our behalf. This is a time where our ears must be open, mouths must be closed, and hearts must be penitent because He is all we need; He is our portion forever.

This kind of thing is not easy for me. I honestly believe that what I have just laid out is the origination of every sin that exists. I just can’t get that fact to go from jumbling around in my head to actually feeling it in my heart in a way that changes the way I act. It really isn’t easy.

I’m all about resting in Jesus, but I think I’m at the point where I need to actually do some fighting. The funny thing is that it’s not the same kind of fighting that I heard all growing up in the “do-sanctification-yourself” churches I grew up in. The kind of fighting I’m talking about is explicitly stated in Philippians 1:27: “Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel."

This is what I need to do- work hard to believe the Gospel and try to identify where God is working the Gospel out in my life and in the microcosmic situations in which I find myself; and when I still don’t believe, I need my knees to hit the ground, and pray. I don’t see any other possible solution.

To quote my Greek professor, "The only way to ultimately keep a child from taking candy from the candy jar is to give something that is better than the candy! The child will need more than a command to not want to take it."

Pretty nifty idea.