Scary Prayers

I hear Christians (aka, me) talk and sing about how more of Jesus will satisfy the thirsty soul. But what does that mean? We sing things like, "Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee (Take My Life)", and "Father use my ransomed life in any way you choose (All I Have is Christ)", and "God, I want to let you know, I want everything You are (Sun & Moon)", and "Lord, help me gain victory against pride/lust/judgmental attitudes. (Typical Christian Prayer)"

Do I fully know God? No.

Do I have any idea how infinitely overwhelming He is? No.

Do I sometimes complain when He answers my prayer of "God, I want everything You are"? Yes.

Why? 

Because I haven't realized that knowing God means knowing the part that you didn't know before. 

If I can't fully know Him, how am I supposed to think that He will answer my prayer to know Him more fully in a way that won't rip my heart out of my chest, shred it to pieces, and then put it back together, but with more of Himself in the glue? He might not do that. But how do I know?

He does that. In the most loving and gracious way there is to do it.

I try to avoid superlatives, but with this God, I do Him an injustice by not speaking as exaltedly of Him as I can.

I've heard some people warn me when I pray a "scary" prayer. I think I agree. There are prayer requests that are scary, because there are prayer requests that can only be answered after having experienced high levels of pain and suffering. But to me, requests like "make me more like you" are scariest because I don't even know what I'm asking. I don't know the depths of the riches of the wisdom of God. I don't know what parts of Him He wants to entrust to me. If I don't know what He wants me to learn, I will have no idea how He's going to do it.

I want to get better and more faithful at praying scary prayers, and I want to love my God enough to actually want all of Him. Not that I'll ever have all of Him. But I want enough faith to stand on the water when He's lovingly beckoning to stand with Him through the waves that shoot the shards of salt water up my nose.

With a God like that, my prayers don't get any less scary; the pain doesn't get any less painful. But I want to trust Him enough to venture through the slimy, rodent-infested cave, because the light on the other side is so worth it.

.DSN.